NML & Inbetweener Weekly Check In – 3/26/2018

[Giulia]

(Filling in for roller831‌ today.  And what a  splendid job she's been doing with this every week.  A true labor of love.  Thank you so much for your dedication to the cause you soon-to-be-Elder!) 

/blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months 

    This discussion is posted every Monday to offer encouragement and camaraderie to those in No Man's Land - that murky period of time when the excitement of your quit has become a drudgery, when friends and family have ceased their enthusiasm and support and when you're beginning to wonder why you even bothered to embark upon this journey.  The ever present question "when will the unpleasant part be over" continues to raise it's ugly head.  

This period of time is part of that rite of passage to Freedom.  It's the maintenance stage and it's almost as tough as the first week simply because you're tired from fighting by this point.  So, how do you get through it?  You continue your education.  You hunker down and work even harder.  And you treat yourself to the monthly milestones.  Treats are especially important during this stage.  And you mightily deserve them! 

No Man's Land is the final frontier in a way.  Once you get through this phase of the process, and make no mistake, quitting IS a process, you'll discover a happier land.  You'll find more and more that you've gone through a day or two without thinking about a cigarette.  You'll begin to have more and more "aha" moments.  One of mine was when I could pass by a smoker, or see a pack of cigarette in a store and not want one.  That was  huge psychological transition for me.  Didn't mean I wouldn't have moments when I wanted to smoke again.  But those moments became less and less frequent after each "aha" occurrence.  It's exciting when you realize you can look at cigarettes or someone smoking and not be triggered.  It's thrilling, actually.  

One of the places you might spend some time reading during NML is in Relapse Prevention‌  NML can be a dangerous, shaky time and the more reinforcement you give yourself, the better.  You might also go back to (or start) making a daily pledge Take the Daily Pledge .  There are tools here to help you through this period.  Use them.  Stay engaged.  Offer support to others.  If you don't feel excited about your own quit at this point, get excited about someone else's.  And find time to play.  Playing and laughter are balms and help nourish.  That's why we sometimes put up silly things here, things to help distract and make each other laugh.  Our spirits can get rather morose at times on this journey and we need to remember levity.  Our life is improving!  Even if it may not feel like it!  lol

Hold this thought close during this period:  "To thine own self be true."  You've come so far since that first day.  It may not feel like it, but you have.  Think about it.  Examine the differences between the now and that day before your Day One when you were so terrified.  You're not scared any more, are you?  That's a huge transition right there that we don't even acknowledge.  Trust the process.  Trust that time will ultimately be your friend.  And whatever you do - stay the course.  You've worked too hard not to.

Here's a question for you:  What's your concept of Freedom from smoking, Freedom from this addiction?   How will you know when you've achieved it?  

[TurboRose]

Giulia‌ thanks for the thread and the thought provoking question. My perception of freedom from smoking has changed as my quit has progressed. In the beginning, freedom is about making it through the day without picking up a smoke. Right now, freedom isn't about the action of smoking or not. Any beliefs I had about my life being different because I'm not smoking were pure fantasy. The only thing that has been different is I'm not smoking. It's not a complaint. Freedom is seeing the truth of my life and the role smoking played. How will I know when I've reached ultimate freedom, I have no idea. What is the ultimate freedom from smoking? Is it when smoking becomes a distant memory? Is it when support for not smoking is no longer needed because smoking isn't an option? How does one ever really know they're free? Is freedom an illusion, are we chasing rainbows? 

Anyway, thanks! 

269 DOF

[minihorses]

You've got a little over 100 days than me with your quit.  Since we're addicts, just like every other drug addict there is never a time when we're 'done' or have attained total freedom.  We have to work on maintaining that drug free life every single day AND for the rest of our lives.  What is forgotten is bound to be repeated ya know? Keep working it!

Julie

[Giulia]

" Freedom is seeing the truth of my life and the role smoking played."  I like that TurboRose .  Freedom for me is the understanding that smoking is a choice and that I am in control of that choice.  By accepting my choice not to partake  I am no longer the slave of the addiction.  I don't have to obey any urges I get like I used to.  Triggers are no longer commands.  And freedom is also a feeling of not needing.  When I think back on that desperate need to smoke, every day, all day long.  The fear of running out of cigarette late at night, knowing I wouldn't have one right there first thing in the morning, that I'd have to get up and get dressed and rush out to buy a pack before I had my first cup of coffee.  Ridding oneself of that desperation is freedom.  But mostly it's the blessedness of not having cravings but once in a blue moon.  And it's the joy of not thinking about cigarettes all day long.  Not wanting, not needing, not thinking about. 

Julie, minihorses when you are quit long enough, maintenance does not feel like a burden.  It just becomes part of our daily lives.  I become "aware" of the addiction only when I see someone smoking, or see cigarettes in stores or a butt on the ground.  I'm so distant now from my smoking self it's simply an observation that triggers nothing.  However I do get a surprise desire (could I even call it a craving?) for one on occasion.  But it's so easily dismissed (after years of practice), that it's not a struggle.  Though I will grant you I've also had some slap-me-upside-the-addict-brain cravings that came out of the blue.  And those are the ones to watch out for.  Those are the ones I've had to pull out my quit kit  and dust off my tools to deal with.  Even now.

I think the ultimate Freedom is in never wanting a cigarette again.  And in finally learning the lesson of NOPE.

[Sandi4]

For me, freedom is understanding that I am an addict and that I am not capable of smoking just one cigarette.  I learned this the first time I was on this site several years ago but apparently, I had to test it....twice!  I failed both times and spent another 9 years smoking.

Now that I am very clear on what I can and can not do as a nicotine addict,  a weight has been lifted. In order to have the life I want,  I can NOT smoke. PERIOD.  It's just that simple, for me.  I changed my mindset from one of loss to one of gratitude.  I also gained a certain will to fight this addiction instead of fighting myself.  I decided that I would not allow things that I'm going to see every day trigger me.  I don't recommend this for anyone else but this is what I did.  I had a smoking section in my garage for bad weather that I didn't disassemble until after 30 days quit.  I waited until I no longer noticed/cared about it.  Then I dumped the ashtray (which still had the butts from the last time I smoked at home), put the folding chair away and put the lighters on my dresser.  Why my dresser? Because I wanted to see them every day and move them every Saturday when I dusted.  When I could see/touch them without thinking about smoking, I placed them in drawers around the house where I light candles.   I was accustomed to paying for my food in the grocery  line where the cigarettes were sold.  I didn't change that habit because cigarettes are sold every where and I wasn't going to flee if I saw them.  After 94 days, I don't even pay attention to them.  To me, THIS is freedom.

I still have a couple of trials ahead of me.  Spending time with my smoking friends and my upcoming vacation.  I used to tell myself that I'd quit after my vacation/birthday/holiday, etc.   This will be the first time in many years, that I don't have to pull over during our drive or leave my hotel to smoke.

Personally, I feel that I am free of smoking.  Will I ever be free of the addiction?  I don't believe so based on everything I've read.  But as Giulia‌ said, I have a choice and I am FREE to choose not to smoke every single day.  Which I will. 

NOW, if I could just get some freedom from the sweets I keep eating....ugh!!!

[MichelleDiane]

Sandi,

Love how strong you are in your quit.  Very inspiring.  Enjoy your vacation!

hugs,

Michelle

[Sandi4]

Not sure if I've been strong or crazy.  Maybe a little of both.

[Giulia]

Very interesting and insightful response, Sandi.  Thanks for it.  Learning what you cannot do as an ex smoker, eliminating the option, is definitely freeing.