NML & Inbetweener Weekly Check In - 3/19/2018

[Roller831]

We do this blog every Monday to offer encouragement and camaraderie to those in No Man’s Land -- months 2-3-4 of a quit and for those somewhere in-between who have less than 1 year of a quit. Regardless of how long you’ve been quit, anyone who likes the conversation and wants to offer support is welcome to participate!

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This week’s topic: Getting to know your fellow NMLers and In-betweeners!

1. What TV show is your quilty pleasure?
2. What show have you binged watched embarrassingly fast?
3. What is your favorite smell and why?

I have a favor to ask...I will not be able to post the weekly check in next Monday.  Would someone be willing to take it over for next week?  Because it is a discussion, I am not able to set up the post early and have it scheduled to post next Monday.  Please and thank you! - Roller

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If you're in NML right now, give a shout!  Reach out and find each other! 

Click here to read Dale’s helpful blog about No Man’s Land:https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex/blog/2011/05/24/no-mans-land-days-30-to130-appr... 

Click here to read what to expect in the first four months: /blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months  

Checking in here will help you get through NML and on your way to the first year where you can celebrate being in the 6% Club and graduate to eventually become an Elder!

Please let me know if you are interested in posting the NML Weekly Check In.  I am happy to continue it, share it, or pass it to the nEXt EXer in NML who is ready, willing, and able.

[Roller831]

Giulia‌ THANK YOU!  I think you writing it would be great!

[Giulia]

Hmmm, just posted this but don't see it.  Let's try again!  

Will do!  roller831‌

[minihorses]

I forgot to check in last week so a quick update of the last two weeks on my smoke-free journey.  I've been in a rotten mood, everyone and everything is p-ing me off.  I don't like being a non-smoker.  It sucks to be honest.  If I hadn't promised my family, I'd be back smoking right now.  I would have sold both my sons for a cig last week. 

I know it's a killer, I held the hand of my mother-in-law in the hospice center as she suffocated to her death from smoking.  I keep that image in my mind.  My husband left about 2 hours before she died.  The nurse and I couldn't get her eyes to close so my poor husband's last look at his mom was horrid for him.  I don't want to put him through that again. 

So I stay quit,  but I admit I'm not happy about it.  I've tried to remember that I don't smell and breathing is easier on exertion but I never had any health problems due to smoking. I never coughed when I smoked, or even after I quit.  I know I would have lung problems eventually but looking at the future is not a trait of mine.  I'm too good at looking at the past. The future is only a possibility.  It's something that may or may not happen no matter what I do or don't do.  That is part of the make-up of me and my personal bipolar mind.  I recognize it and know there's not a thing I can do about it but to live with it the best I can. 

But since I don't look forward in time it's hard to keep going with this quit.  So I begrudgingly move from moment to moment as a non-smoker.  I'm sure one day I'll be thankful I quit, but for the last few weeks quitting smoking is the last thing I want to do.  

Julie

[Giulia]

I didn't cough, could run and play tennis without a problem, had no smoking symptoms, except that morning phlegm in the throat.  I didn't want to quit.  I did it for my husband, because he bought this herbal supplement that wasn't cheap (SmokeAway).  I had to at least give it a good try.  He bought it for me for Christmas.  Gee thanks, just what I wanted.  I didn't quit 'til Lent.  Knew that I could do it for 40 days.  Also knew that if I put myself through that startup process again, I'd be very unlikely to go back.  And I haven't.  

It took me several years before I was a happy non-smoker.  That doesn't mean I craved the entire time, but you can see me say on more than one occasion "if I could smoke without penalty, I would."  Now, I think even if I could, I wouldn't.  But I sure as heck am not going to pick up a vape pen with no nicotine and give it a try.  Or even if they come up with a "safe" cigarette would I "see what it's like."  (I'm too afraid I'd be hooked again.  And that's a GOOD fear as far as I'm concerned!)   But it took me a while to get here.  If I'm stupid enough to think about the enjoyable parts of smoking, I become an unhappy non-smoker.  If I think about how it tasted after a meal, I begin to want one.  So I don't go there in my mind.  Because although it "seemed" to taste good, it's a lie.

The thing that we always forget is that smoking really doesn't taste good.  We remember it the moment we put one back in our mouths, however, after having abstained for a time.  And it doesn't take that long to find it distasteful.  Just a couple of days.  (There are hundreds of blogs on here of people who lapse and say how awful it tasted.)  We also forget that it doesn't really solve our stress problems.  We are stressed when we smoke or when we don't.  It does give us a "boost."  But the boost is short lived and leaves us with simply wanting the next one.  

Ultimately, I believe in order to have a lasting quit, we have to do it for ourselves.  We don't necessarily have to want to quit, but we do need to want something more than we want to smoke.  I want my freedom from the addiction.  I don't like being a slave.  And I really don't want another Day One.  Some want to see their grandchildren grow up more than they want to smoke.  Some people want to set a good example.  Perhaps you just haven't found the thing you want more, Julie.  Except the promise to your family, at the moment.  Actually, is it the promise to your family that's keeping you quit?  Is it for them?  Or is it your sense of honor?  Which, of course translates into a sense of self-worth.  Passing thoughts on this rainy afternoon.....  Takes what helps, leave the rest.

[minihorses]

Thanks for the insight Giulia .  You're right. They do taste like crap and I shake like crazy when I smoke.  Obviously it wasn't a big deal or I would have quit earlier.  I've always been the black sheep, the rebel, the smart-a$$.  Yes, there are more cons to smoking than pros, if there is even one pro.  It was still the only stable constant in my life other than bodily pain.  I take drugs for physical and mental conditions.  Smoking is just another drug. It has it's uses and drawbacks.  Any one of my bipolar medications can have catastrophic side effects but I still take them.  I like to vape but I'd rather smoke a stupid cigarette. I haven't had any nicotine in a while, vaping is just a once in a great while thing.  2 non-inhaled puffs and I'm done.  And yes, the juice has nicotine but at the lowest level possible at 0.3%

I don't know if it's the promise to the family or my sense of honor that has gotten me this far. I don't equate honor to self-worth.  It is part of the golden rules of living that I was brought up on and have hopefully imparted to my own brats.  I think it's more because out of 2 options that would help this 'life' of mine, it's the ONLY one that is accessible and attainable.

Thank you so much for your caring, straight-forward words.  Since it looks like another sleepless night I have plenty of time to consider them properly before morning.  

Julie 🙂 

[aderb]

Not in NML yet, so I'm a long way behind you on this journey, thank you for your sharing and your honesty, am in a rotten mood too and it's nice to have company in my misery plus your answers are helping me so much too.  

'I'm sure one day I'll be thankful I quit' is going to join NOPE and 'I don't do that anymore'  as one of my go to QUIT mantras.

Thank you and here's to a happy Wednesday!

[minihorses]

I'm glad you could get some GOOD use out of my bad attitude this evening.  I'm really trying to hold this quit together but at least I'm out here looking for support first instead of running to the store at 3:30 a.m. It's our best shot at getting the advice and encouragement to point us in the right direction again.  I honestly don't know if I will stay on-the-wagon but at least I won't be making a rash decision on a whim. If you take away one thing from the conversation let it be this, stay close to ex and reach out everytime you need to.  It may save your quit and your life!

Julie

[Roller831]

Julie minihorses‌ - That's a lot and I can only imagine how hard it is right now.  I wish I had something fantastic to say, but the only thing I could think of when I read your post is the following quick quotes which popped into my head:

Fake it til you make it.

Be it til you see it.

One step and then another will get you where you want to be.

You are doing exactly what you need to do by NOT smoking.  Sometimes that is enough.  Just keep doing just that!

[AnnetteMM]

To be completely honest, there are two truths about me and smoking:

1.  I loved smoking

2.  I am quite vain...and vanity wins.  My hair smells fabulous, and I just can't give that up now.

Shallow?  I don't care because it's working.

[GyorgyiM]

SCANDAL 

HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER

HELL'S KITCHEN

LETHAL WEAPON

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK

Oh there are wayyyyyy toooo many that I record or binge watch when I am in the mood.......

I also love to READ !!!  I go through about 2 books a month, more of less

Favorite scent....Hummmmmm? 

The outdoors, near water, a lake or river....cut grass.....You get the picture, eh?

Smiles.....