My Sister

[smokenomorelpj]

Friends, 

I wanted to ask a question regarding my beloved sister. I just woke from a really bad dream about her. She smokes and over the holidays, I want to speak with her about it. It is difficult because I'm only off 64 days, so I'm still struggling, and I don't want to appear as if I'm lecturing her. I hated that myself. I had a friend who lived with me briefly, and at the time I smoked. I grew to dislike him because of his arrogant attitude about my smoking, especially since he was  a former smoker and current drinker (and he could drink). I don't want her to feel this way about me.

My sister has the ability to ignore you well. She will say, "yes, you are right...I'm going to quit". But, I know she won't. She won't go to therapy either, and I know she needs this as well.

Do you suggest I speak to her about the smoking? If so, how do I broker the conversation? I want to introduce her to this site but I'm unclear how. She has two great kids, but she, as most of us, is lonely and stubborn to the core.

Lewis  

[Daniela2016]

Thanks Ellen, I did not even know they existed, I have been writing down the website on post it for my co-workers!

[susan_m]

Lewis, glad you're leading by example.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I clearly paid a lot of attention to those around me who'd quit. I didn't wake up one morning and decide to quit, the seed had been planted many different ways.

Most of all, congratulations on your strong quit. 

Who knows how many quitters you'll inspire just by being you. Very cool.  

Susan 

[minihorses]

I agree that you have decided not to SAY anything. My hackles would instantly go up and my teeth bared to anyone that told me I should quit, especially my mother. She had quit smoking 50+ years ago, before they started putting a bunch of crap in cigarettes, and thought it was so easy then so why couldn't I do it? It just made me mad that she didn't get it that it was an addiction to a drug as powerful as heroin and I resented her for it. I have since spoken to a few friends that want to quit and just told them how Chantix and this site has been saving my life, that it was very rough in the beginning, and that if they decided to start the process I would be their quit buddy and give them all the support they want. If they don't say anything about quitting I would never even dare to ask.  I hope you are an inspiration to her just by your achievements alone and not what you do or don't say.

Julie 46 DOF

[Roller831]

I have to admit, I read this yesterday and knew what I wanted to say, but didn't quite know how to respond.  Let me start by saying I agree with following by example and not specifically saying anything to your sister.  Have empathy towards her because let's be truly honest here...noone WANTS to really smoke.  All smokers want to quit deep down in their hearts and create excuses not to.

I have an older sister.  She has other problems but she she was never a smoker....until the past 3-5 years.  Many of her issues surround addiction and smoking and nicotine in my opinion are all some kind of addiction we are feeding.  Needless to say, even if I told her to quit whatever she is doing at the time, it would do no good until she was ready to quit anyway.  All it does is lead to strife.  We don't need more strife in our lives.

At some point, your sister may get it and quit.  She may not.  She may end up being envious of your quit.  She may resent you for your quit.  It is YOUR quit and noone can take that away from you NOR should make you feel bad about it.  Stay strong in your quit.  Hope she follows your lead.  That is all you can do.

Serenity Prayer - Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

[Daniela2016]

Lewis, smokenomorelpj, I am a very direct and friendly person; I speak with everybody at work and did not make it a secret I was a smoker (I have co-workers who don't smoke at work, only outside the workplace).  Anyways when I quit I told everybody; I wanted to feel accountable in front of everyone I knew, and to reinforce my decision by all means.

As the time went by, even smokers started asking me how I was doing.  And that is when I told them about EX.  And it was the honest truth: EX helped me keep my quit, guard it with all my might, educated me about the addiction, kept me going every day.  If you feel it does the same for you, and if the opportunity presents, you could share your feelings of gratitude for where you are today, and the role EX is playing in your life.  What I tell my friends is they don't need to open an account, they don't need to be seen by anyone, but they can browse the community, read the blogs, learn and prepare themselves for when they will be ready.