My last cigarette was Sunday night. My last drink was Saturday night. I know that I didn't want to continue to live that life. Being middle-aged and restarting bad habits after 11 years was stupid, plain & simple. What was I thinking?! I know hard alcohol makes my medications less effective and I endured 2 years of lung inflammation after my cancer treatments for stage 4 melanoma. AH, temporary insanity caused by back-to-back trials and the stresses of life. I knew better but caved anyways.
My advice: know yourself. Dig deeply and honestly. Know your why's for doing it and for stopping it. I know as a homemaker that my stress comes from my home. I know that leaving my home for a job or volunteering would only push the root the issue to a back burner. Kick out my teenagers and critters? No. Leave my hard-working, loving hubby of 30 years? Not a chance. Kill my in-laws? Umm. No. Start embracing the busyness and materialism of living in a metropolis after 3 years of reluctantly living here to temporarily assist aging in-laws? Not this small-town country gal.
But, I know me. The best thing for me to do to be successful was to step back and away. I'm not comfortable spending money on myself, but heck, wasn't I already doing that by buying cigarettes and liquor?!
So, I drove over 500 hundred miles to an Airbnb in the wide open country on someone's property. It's below freezing here and therefore it's quite unappealing to go outside to a store in case of cravings. I'm here for 8 days. I have learned through many tries that the 3rd or 4th days are my nemesis. Well, I'll be here for 2 lots of 3rd or 4th days. I have fidget items for my hands, lots of veggies to munch on, cinnamon-flavored tea tree oil toothpicks, mints, Werthers sugar-free hard candies, my favorite scented candle, a variety puzzle book, reading books on stressing less, eating healthier specifically focusing on my various medical ailments, and Christian-based cognitive behavioral therapy. I have my Bible, Celebrate Recovery program books, and websites saved on my phone explaining acupressure points and meditation. I even brought a coloring book! I'm on a self-imposed hiatus from social media (except this community), media news, and the TV included in this little abode.
After putting thought into this and lugging this stuff with me, I haven't had one craving! But, then again, it is only day 2. Tomorrow and Thursday will be my days, I'm sure. I refuse to be denied a healthy future retirement with my hubby, though!
Put in the effort to really figure out your triggers and yourself as a person. We've obviously been putting in the effort to cover the costs of cigarettes, alcohol, medical visits, etc. Mind over matter. Our minds including all of our dreams and/or goals OVER whatever matter of habit(s) we have.
Is life still going to suck? Yes. Are my stressors still going to be at home? Unfortunately yes. Are our finances going to improve? Maybe but no holding my breath. Will I still have to go to specialists to be poked and scanned? Sadly yes. BUT, I will be renewed, refreshed, and determined to have a better future as my brain fog and depression dissipate, my hacking stops, friends/family stop nagging and my overall negative self fades. I'm done, y'all. I'm tired of despising myself and feeling guilty over the last 3 years. I refuse to live like that anymore.
