I'm so glad for the support that I've found here, and it helps more than I ever expected. Your suggestions and advice are appreciated. To those who suggested Al-Anon, I have been involved with the program for years of my life off and on. I come from a family full of alcoholics, many are abusive. It's one of the reasons that I was raised by my grandparents, for the most part. They're gone now, but I was a caregiver to both before they passed away, Pap from cancer and Gram from Alzheimer's disease. Did I mention that I was born 30 years old? I've always been an adult. At 18 months old I developed a seizure disorder from a high fever, juvenile onset osteo arthritis at 14, and during my teens I had such bad grand mal seizures that I've died and was brought back more times than I can tell you. One seizure lasted 24 hours straight and I'm still here. They've always told me they have no idea how I'm alive with no brain damage that would make me like a small child.... but I'm here with a pretty high IQ. I put myself through college when I was 28, got my driver's license at 29 and have a master's level education. All of this with health issues and alcoholics telling me I'd never make it. I've been on and off of disability at different times, but the past two years with this digestive disease and I'm not getting any younger so things don't heal as easily, so I've been really sick, weak, malnourished, and lost over 160 pounds. No matter what I went through I was always independent and lived on my own. I needed help sometimes, but I made it. Now, I had to move into my parent's house, my car died, social security decided in January, within a matter of days, that I was no longer eligible for disability..... while in the middle of this digestive disease and they were given plenty of proof from my doctors. I appealed their decision and have been fighting them without income ever since. After getting sicker from not being able to take my medications, I was finally approved for medical assistance, but they don't pay for all the medicine so I'm still going without some important ones. I am, however, not waiting on them forever. I've been sending out resumes and trying to get a job that pays well enough with good benefits so I can just go back to work and get out of here, get another car and get my life back. All of that will help my health. I'm doing everything I can to make my health better so I can have a better life. I'm determined to get there! I've always been one of the strongest people I know, but even strong people can only take so much. They live back a dirt lane surrounded by woods. This would be the type of place to escape for a few days, but I'm used to being around people and the city. I appreciate everything they've done, but it's long past time to be 'home' again. Stress isn't good for anything, especially if you want a cigarette. So far, I've been able to find things to keep me from picking up a cigarette. My parents and I think so differently. They don't think it's that bad to smoke a little here and there until it builds up to more, or staying on disability instead of working to make other people's lives better while making yourself happy at the same time. It can work in my favor by the positivity improving my own health. So now you have the book.
