I wished I had not quit smoking

[Peddler]

I am closing in on 9 months without a smoke. The longest I have been in 34 years.  Please dont tell me good job or that's great. I appreciate the good thoughts but I'm really tried of hearing them when I really dont feel like it's a good thing.  I think it's the worst thing I have ever done. I always feel like shit, I dont have any motivation to do anything, I'm moody as hell, and I could go on and on.  I love being outside but now I have no desire to go outside because when I'm out there I want to smoke.  Here spring and summer is and all i can think about is wishing winter would hurry the hell up and get here, and I freaking hate winter.  Stopping smoking has changed everything about my life and not in a good way.  I know all the health benefits are good, you dont have to say all that stuff.  Smokers already know about all the health issues without having to be reminded all the time.  I am having a hard time finding happiness in my life without smoking.  Cigarettes have always been there.  They have been with me in the good, bad, happy, sad, mornings, evenings, afternoons, nights, vacations, hanging out with friends, working outdoors, camping, fishing times and the list could go on and on forever.  It's like that country song "Long neck ice cold beer never broke my heart". That's how I feel about cigarettes.  They have always been there for me.  In ever aspect of life since I was 11 years old, I am now 46. If it was not for my wife and kids giving me hell about it I would have already started back. I get tired of them always on my back about it, and yes I know its because they love me and want me to be healthier, but I look at it has they dont want me to be happy.  I would love to just go out back and set on my deck and enjoy this beautiful day, but I have no desire to do that without smoking, so here I am hanging out in the house wasting this beautiful day.  Sorry for such a long rant! Just wanted to get some thoughts off my mind. Is there anyone else out there that feels this way or am I the only one?  Thanks for reading and being a listening ear!!

[Peddler]

Thank you!

[Barbscloud]

There are many elders here that have been honest enough to share how long it took them to start feeling better and that they still have those thoughts.   I just celebrated 2 years and I didn't start feeling better for a long, long time.   Yes, I also still think about smoking on occasion.  This isn't easy.  That's because it truly is an addiction.  I don't think you would have written this either if you intended to start smoking again.  You would have just done it--why would you care  whether we approved or not.

I only smoked outside for many years myself and not in the car.  So I understand how being outside is a trigger. I couldn't sit on my deck for months.  I had to start doing it gradually.   Two things are real.   The reward cigarette is probably the one missed most  and the seasonal change is real.   Memories come back that are associated with each season.  When I worked in the yard in summer,  the break was smoking a cigarette, etc.  Try to look for new behaviors that become new associations for you.  

I also think this is an especially difficult time for many with the  fear and stress we're all experiencing and being told to stay home.  It can be boring at times.  

Again this isn't easy, but it certainly seems worth not giving up.

Barb  

[Peddler]

Thank you!

[elvan]

I doubt that l can offer anything that hasn’t already been said except for the concept of the “dry drunk”. Recovery is one day at a time & it is work. It is best accomplished with support from others who are on the same journey. Milestones are celebrated & hard times are shared. While l doubt that you really wish you had never quit smoking, l worry about your attitude & the attitude you must be sharing with your family. WORK on your quit, come here often, support OTHERS. You will get stronger every day.

Ellen

[virgomama]

Thank you for sharing.  I'm wondering about depression as has been mentioned.  My other thought is retraining the brain takes some muscle and determination as well.  There's a saying   "Fake it till you make it."  Even though you don't FEEL happy about quitting.  Act it and your brain will reset eventually.  Just a thought. My best to you. 

Cindy

[indingrl]

another NICOTINE free day for ya peddler

[Peddler]

Thank you! I'm still hanging tough!

[indingrl]

I am very proud of YOU and it is an HONOR to be YOUR friend

[green1611]

Good note and expression of the feelings..

This is long journey to smoke free life and some alarming stops like you described will be there. Good to remind ourself, and not to stop on such stations. Congratulations, you did not !

Finally, the time will come when you would realise, oops, why did I smoked those days... Now feeling extremely better, natural breath, and no slavery to tobacco. Thanks I could quit..... 

You will reach on that stop soon.....

[Mandolinrain]

Best and only thing I can do is offer prayers for you. I will be praying that you come to find comfort and peace in being outside without the desire to smoke and have a better day today than you did yesterday and that that comfort and peace will never leave you....Amen