Thank you to everyone who responded! I've never felt such love from strangers. How is it going? Well,,,,,
Leave the room? No way! I'm too stubborn for that! Divorce? Never! Why pay a lawyer when I could kill him myself for free? Ha! Ha! Our only issue is his lighting up, and in this battle of wills, I will remain undefeated! My favorite weapon of choice? THE LOOK! May not sound like much to you, but my hubby knows the stages of my discontent, and it all starts with the look, whether I realize I am doing it or not!
So, after I posted my discussion on Saturday, he lit up and I evidently gave him the all-dreaded look, because he immediately said he was going to finish smoking in the bathroom, but would be right back. When he returned, he had a big smile on his face and said he was glad to see I was back! Okay, at this point, I am so confused I am ready to cock my head like a dog does! Then, he explained:
From Day 1, I have been keeping myself busy, and if I get the dreaded urge, I go off by myself for some deep breaths and concentration, and I spent a lot of time alone last week! Evidently, according to hubby, this is also what I do when I am very upset or depressed, and last week's actions caused him a lot of concern. He said he thought the whole quitting thing was getting the better of me, because he thought I was leaving room due to depression, not determination. He thought my fighting side was fading, and felt he needed to act. So, he says he decided to start lighting up in front of me, hoping to piss me off enough to revive my fighting side. See, when I get really mad and fired up about something, I don't back down until I win! He said when he finally received the look, he didn't know whether to jump for joy first, or run for his life!
He says he is proud of me, and is now confident I will make it! He knows how stubborn and determined I can be, and really did hear me discussing my preparations for quitting over the past few months, and did a little preparing of his own. I'm pretty sure he said some more stuff after that, but I was lost in the awe of him actually hearing what I had just said! hee hee!
Long story, short version: He isn't as insensitive as I thought; tried to piss me off to insure my success; supports me 100% and made a point to not smoke around me on our family outting yesterday; and he is still alive, even though I did have some nice thoughts of how good his face would look under that pillow last week...just kidding!
Thank you all for your love and support! It does not go unappreciated! And in hopes I can give something back to you, here is what I think of when I go off by myself when I urge gets really bad:
I am an living person, over 5 feet tall, full of the power and determination to do almost anything I want. A cigarette is nothing more than some dead leaves and a filter wrapped in paper, as big around as a pencil, and 3 or 4 inches long. Which is the dominant character in this situation? The big person, or the crumpled leaves wrapped in paper? Try this next time you are struggling, it sure helps me!
Again, thank you all for sharing your love and thoughts! I'm not alone---at home or here!
