I am 39 years old with a husband and two children 5, 14.. I have been a smoker on and off since I was 15. My very first cigarette I will never forget. I was about 8 and a friend of my older sister’s mother smoked Salem cigarettes, and she would buy them by the carton so she decided one day to steal a pack. We went to an abondand garage that had rooms at the top and I will always remember the smell of the matches as she struck and lit that first cigarette, it was the best feeling. I felt like I was floating on air. I did not remember this until years later. The next time I smoked was when I was about 14 or 15 I can’t quite remember. But I do remember my older sister had a cigarette that she had in her ashtray in her car and I smoked it. She has never been a smoker, she is one of these people that can smoke once or twice but never get addicted. However when I smoked this time it was different. My mother had passed away suddenly at 36 years old, never drank or smoked and was in great health, it made me feel something….anything… that was different than the hurt that I was dealing with. This has been my weakness for so long. I will stop sometimes for a year or two but I always come back to this. I HATE it. I have a beautiful five year old girl who needs her mom, I feel sick and disgusted every time I pick up a cigarette. How could I be so weak as to allow her to go through life without a mother like I did. I don’t know how to concur this and I am desperate too.
