JessicaF I quit for every pregnancy and I had some short term quits that I lost other than those. This time, I got really sick and I knew it was my last chance. My doc wanted to admit me to ICU and I said no...I wanted to at least try to take care of myself at home. It was a dangerous decision but I still wanted to try. I had two antibiotics, three inhalers, a nebulizer, gallons of orange juice, and a vaporizer. It was really terrifying...I could not get enough breath IN to cough effectively, I could not speak without gasping for breath. I saw the looks on the faces of my husband and my son and they were completely terrified and helpless. I had been sick before, had pneumonia more than once but this was different. I really was not sure I would get better. I knew that if I kept smoking, there was no chance that I would recover completely or be able to breathe like a "normal" person. I have COPD, I am sure I had it for quite some time before that fateful exacerbation, the only way I can describe how I felt is to say that it felt like I had a plastic bag tied over my head. I know that I am likely to die from some smoking related damage I have done but I choose not to do MORE and I choose not to expedite my departure. I do not want to smoke, I do not want to feel like a pariah, I do not want others to see me flaunting my ignorance. I was an RN for many years, I flaunted it that entire time by thinking I was immune to what I was seeing. COPD, lung cancer, premature heart attacks, strokes, mouth cancer, throat cancer...the list goes on. I had a couple of huge challenges after I quit...the first one was on my ten month anniversary when my house burned down and along with all of the things we lost, our three beloved cats died of smoke inhalation in the upstairs bedroom where they were trapped. Even NOW, I cry when I think of that. I LOVED them with all of my heart...I had NO desire to smoke. The people on this site held me up and got me through it. I knew I could not bring them back by smoking. A year later...I had to have both of my upper lobes removed because of the damage smoking had done. It was a horrendous surgery, my surgeon told me that a large percentage of patients who have that surgery go back to smoking afterwards because it is easier for them to breathe. I told her that I would NOT be one of them...I know she didn't quite believe me but I know I won't do that to my family again. I say it all the time, smoking does nothing FOR you, it does lots TO you. I have the scars to prove it. I am also short of breath with the least bit of exertion. I work out, I eat better than I ever have, and I do what I can to build my lung capacity...I hope it's enough to keep me around for a while. If not, I hope someone learns something from MY experience.
Best,
Ellen
.png "bonniebee"){kind=avatar}
