No problem, Laura. I didn't use any NRT. I don't have anything against using things but, the truth is that I got really sick, I mean death's door sick and I KNEW it was my last warning. I had pneumonia along with an exacerbation of COPD. I could hardly speak because I had so little air. I refused to be admitted to ICU because I am a stubborn old nurse. I stayed at home and did nebulizer treatments, drank GALLONS of liquids, hung myself upside down to get the mucous to move, took two antibiotics, and got a little better a little at a time. I promised myself then that it was over. I saw my husband and son come into my room to check on me and the look of fear that was on their faces was not something I wanted to see again if I could avoid it. For YEARS, I told people that I would quit if I could get my pain under control. The fact is, my pain is NEVER going to be under control, my spine is deteriorating, I need bilateral shoulder replacements, I have RA, I break ribs bending over. I am going to live with pain, period. I take pain medication very cautiously, I meditate, I exercise, I do the things I should have been doing all my life. I FEEL now, not just the physical pain but the feelings that we are all meant to deal with, I know now that it is perfectly acceptable to get angry, to cry, to laugh loudly, to love with all of my heart. I know that this is what life is supposed to be, not a drug infused coma. Quitting is really STARTING to live your life.
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