Excuses! Excuses! Excuses!

[angelpar]

As I am approaching 2 milestones, I have been looking back.  In this I realized I am an excuse monger or was.  First milestone is 2 half years cancer free and second is 2 years smoke free.  My quit date 9/29/2018.  I still have time to my 2 years, but I have been looking back with great thought.  I realized I had excuse for every cigarette. Some on my many excuses:

I am sad.

I am upset.

I am stressed out.

I am anxious.

I am scared.

I am angry.

It helps me relax.

I live with other smokers.

I use my roommate’s cancer and death from smoking  as excuse.  Then my own cancer as excuse to smoke. It was not the cancer; it was the feelings.  I could not deal the emotions.  I would stuff food or a cigarette in my mouth instead of expressing my feelings.  My roommate was more than a roommate, she was a sister.  A friend for 20 years and a roommate for 14 years. 

I literally would chain smoke before and after visit with my roommate when she was on hospice.  As I prepared for my cancer surgery, I did same thing chain smoked.  To be totally honest I didn't even say I am sad or any of the other excuses.  I just put a cigarette in my mouth. If questioned I would say I need it.  I am saying the excuses/emotions now because I understand that cigarette and food where a substitute for expressing any feeling.  Whether said or not they were my excuses.  I was very emotional##@@@@@ avoidant. Seriously, if there was a uncomfortable feeling I would literally find a way to distract myself from it.

I ask everyone to look at their excuses. If you look hard enough most excuses have emotion behind them.  Emotions are not meant to be excuses for habit or bad behavior.  Emotion are part of being human.  They are to be expressed and dealt with appropriately. 

I think it is important to recognize why we are smoking.  It is not just a bad habit or addiction.  There other things behind it.  In my quit it has been helpful to be honest with myself. 

So, I ask you to look at yourself and question yourself about your smoking.  Then work on the reason behind your smoking.  I wish great success.  I know you can do it.  Look to other post and blogs to help you with your quit.  Post if you need help or to encourage others. 

[DavesTime]

Oh, I had a LOT of excuses.  As a closet smoker I told myself I didn't smoke that much, so it wasn't THAT big a health risk (sure, I ended up being a smoker for over 40 years, but...). Of course, when I took trips out of town, I often smoked nearly a pack a day, but, overall, I didn't smoke THAT much! (or so I told myself).  The only good thing about being a closet smoker is that I never became the heavy smoker that I'm sure I would have been if I had been out of the closet--BUT, it also gave me an excuse for years not to confront and end my addiction.  I also used stress as a big excuse.  I could swear, and I truly believed, that when I was stressed taking those calming, deep drags DID help me relax.  Even after two years of being smoke-free, stressful times can be a challenge for me.  I know now that the cigarettes never truly relaxed me...it was merely calming the stress I had caused myself by starting smoking in the first place. And the "relax after finishing a task" cigarettes were also an excuse for me.  It became such an ingrained habit for me that it became just what I did without thinking about it.  I think all of us who have been or are smokers are avid and accomplished excuse-makers. I certainly was!

[maryfreecig]

Great blog. Congratulations on finding your way and sharing your experience. 

[CommunityAdmin]

Agree on this!

[angelpar]

Thank You everyone! It was so good to read your responses.  I appreciate all the congrats.  Youngatheart.7.4.12, I think when you said you were still a work in progress.  I think that is true for all of us.  We will need to continually grow.  I know I will be continually growing in this area of feelings/emotions.  I still struggle expressing my feelings, but I am looking for better ways of dealing with them other than destructive behaviors.  I have been working on the smoking and now I am working with dietician to work on food behaviors.  On this community its seem so easy to be honest and open.  This is place where nobody judges.  You feel the freedom to be yourself.  

[Giulia]

Nothing to add really.  Just glad you shared all that.

I think it is important to recognize why we are smoking.  It is not just a bad habit or addiction.  There other things behind it.  In my quit it has been helpful to be honest with myself. 

So, I ask you to look at yourself and question yourself about your smoking.  Then work on the reason behind your smoking.

Wise words!

[CrazyQuitter]

What a great read. It is way better to pig out of your favorite foods than to smoke because it replace that motion of putting something to your lips. Hell, ANYTHING that is healthy for you to do is better than smoking. It is also better have excuses to stay smoke free than  the other way round. I like your thinking there! Always thinking of the slightly bigger picture!

[Christine13]

Congratulations on 2 years quit!!  I have been an excuse factory and will remind myself that there is no excuse.

[gcm]

Thank you so much for sharing this and congratulations on your quit! I'm a newbie.  I haven't quit yet but set my quit date.  It's a start.  What a great community! This post is so me.  I've quit before for 2 years for pregnancy and nursing,  but every day wanted a cigarette and counted the days until I  could smoke again. I've been a smoker since I was 12 and hadn't realized how much I  intertwined my smoking with my emotions untiI I tried to quit for myself rather than the health of my baby. Every time I've tried to quit I get a week in and something stressful comes along and suddenly smoking is the answer to help me cope. I look forward to finding some healthy coping mechanisms for my upcoming quit. 

[YoungAtHeart]

gcm Welcome!

Only those who posted on this blog will see your response.  It will be a good idea for you to write a blog to introduce yourself to the community (Home-top left under the banner, then center blue box, "Post to My Blog") so you can better participate in the community.  You might include your smoking history, why you want to quit, your quit date - if you have set one - and anything else you care to share.  That will get a much wider audience and folks to help you on your journey.

Nancy

[angelpar]

Welcome to the Community gcm!!!  It is important tell the community your quit date.  So we can support you.  Use the this community as much as you need through the quit.  Youngatheart had great suggests.  Follow them.  I want to encourage you to stay connected to the community.   So many great people in this community.  

Mary