Desperate

[j-k]

Hi there everyone! I have been working on changing my thoughts and reactions toward smoking, and I worry that I have hit a stumbling block. Can anyone here help?
The problem is my own addict mind-games are wearing me out. I have been working on separating for about a week now, and my mind is treating each smoke as a reward for waiting instead of something to be avoided. It seems like the longer I wait for one the more I enjoy it. I hate to even admit that here, and I feel ashamed. Does this mean that separation is not going to work for me, or is there some way to change that mind-set that has me stuck? Should I not even bother with separating and just quit now? I fear that if I don't prepare myself correctly then I am doomed for failure. I want to be ready, I do not want to fail. I also do not want to "trick" myself into putting it off just so I can smoke longer. This problem has me feeling depressed, anxious, and irritated, more than I could have ever imagined that it would. I sit here now with tears in my eyes, embarassed because I know the answer should be so simple. Help me, please?

[mrs.-u]

I don't have any wonderful advice because I myself am still struggling with quitting! I can offer some encouragement though. I too often experience the same feelings you have, but I believe that if we are determined we can succeed! Try to remain positive. I think a good attitude, determination, and a wonderful support system can help us through this hard task and trying times. Good luck to you! I am here to help, listen and offer support 🙂

[cindy25]

JK, I think the reason you are looking at this as a reward is that you are still smoking! I think that is really normal. I WANTED to smoke each and every time I lit a cigarette before I quit. The addict in me wanted each one - the sane/healthy person in me wanted to quit. Right now, the Sane/healthy person won! I am going with it! We have talked about it and here is my 2 cents: You need to stop smoking in your car. Period. No more. no more excuses. Smoke one before you get in. Stop your car half way there (at a rest stop or parking lot), smoke when you arrive at your destination - but STOP SMOKING IN YOUR CAR. Chew nic gum, eat an apple, sing, suck a sucker, etc.This will make all the difference in the world. Try it. You need some confidence now. Just do it.

[cindy25]

WoooooHoooo! Yay! 24 hours is a VERY BIG DEAL!!!!! I think that is terrific! Keep talking yourself out of the store. It will never be "just one"....don't fool yourself. I keep reminding myself of that too. We can do this!

[j-k]

Just to let everyone know, I decided to stop all the madness and just put the cigarettes down. I have been smoke free for 24 hours now, and the main thing I feel right now is relief. No more wondering or worrying or fretting about when is the right time.... NOW is the right time. I'm done. For a closet smoker I know that 24 hours is not much of a milestone, hell I've gone longer than that just because I couldn't get away to smoke without being caught. But it's what I have right now, and I'm pretty proud of it. I've found that the anxiety has only been bad when I get close to the store... if I can get past the store without stopping for smokes then I am okay for the rest of the trip.
I want to say thank you to everyone for your help so far! Who ever knew that this would be such an emotional journey... I expected stress, anger, jittery nerves, even nausea, but I never thought I was so emotionally wrapped up in cigarettes. I know I will continue to need your help and support as I fight this demon. I'm so glad I don't have to fight it alone!

[jr_2]

I feel that we (and i say "we" because i am experiencing the same emotions and stresses that you are) ..we need to realize that this is not going to be easy. The longer i go without smoking, the better is feels to light one up, so i understand what you are going through. but i will fight the urge if you will, DON'T STOP TRYING! you are not alone..

[jim23]

JK, the BIG diffeence between not being able to smoke or get caught is NOW you decided that you will be an ex-smoker. I feel the same way as you. One trick I learned and I should be shot for not doing it when i relapsed after 6 smoke-free years. Whenever I had the urge, I would tell myself" Self, I don't do that anymore". It worked for 6 years since i remember that i craved a cigarette eveyday. Like alchoholics, we have to saty smoke-free one day at a time.
Jim

[bobbie-christenson]

good luck sweetie, you got the mind set, now all you need is a date, if i understood it right, you haven't quit yet is that right? if not ignore me, anyway set a date then don't worry about it and don't get any preconcieved notions in your head about being scared or how hard it will be it is different for everyone, and easy for some, don't think all the bad things you think MIGHT happen cause they MIGHT NOT happen either, and if you have bad feelings we are here to support you and believe me i only have 15 days and i wouldn't have made it without the wonderful people here high hopes for you bobbie