Accepted Solutions
Hi Bonnie...this is Michael B., I think you might remember some of my
rantings. Mainly that I'm the guy who went 36 days smoke free, then went
out and bought a pack of American Spirit Organics, went down to our local
famous Sports Bar and poured in a few drinks. I normally don't do that,
but as I mentioned, I once again slipped into a case of the 'screw it's".
At my age of 72, that doesn't really matter that much to me, because i can
pretty much do whatever I choose to do, but the tripping point here is that
I bought the smokes FIRST. It's somewhat easy to get over a hangover for
me, but not so much cigarettes. I'm sure you are aware of that syndrome.
So, the reason I'm communicating with you is that I seem to be attracted to
your methodologies. I mean as I've shared with you before, you and I had
exactly the same evolution of smoking brands, around the same times, I
think.
I also must say that I am quite envious that you have broken into the
freedom category for a significant amount of time.
I was restless tonight, couldn't sleep, so sat down to my puter and just
decided to write. I want this part of my life to be smoke free, nicotine
free. As smart as I think I am 
I've had more success with becoming
smokefree than I have gotten off nicotine.
I really deeply desire to become free for the whole damn thing. I'm just
SO tired of there being something that can defeat me. I think I'm one of
those who overstudies something before they finally make a move on it,
maybe.
Funny, my resume pretty much says that I have been blessed with many
successes, a few hiccups as well. Normal so far. But this one has got me
more in my head than anything in my whole life.
I began at 14, which I have come to discover is kinda typical for long term
quitters. Another spontaneous thought just came to me...Probably part of
the reason I'm writing to you is because I need to state or profess my utter
devastation in body, mind, and soul from this awful addiction. It is
really getting scary. You also might remember that my throat doctor told
me on May 16th that I had "pre-cancer stuff beginning to show up on his
scope. You know the one, it goes all the way down your throat, makes you
gag while he's staring seemingly down to the bottom of one's neck!!!
I went back to see him a month later and he said the stuff was mostly gone
because I stopped smoking. He also knew I was vaping, and told me I had 10
weeks to quit that.
Naturally, a little sick part of my brain said, okay you've beat that, now
I guess we can go smoke a little. I seem so normal to so many people, it
might shock them to discover that putting all this together has made me
feel CRAZY...INSANE.
I hate those words, because I have had a pretty good life...blessed in so
many ways. But now I've got this project to do...become NY smoke and
nicotine free.
I know you have met a lot of different kinds of folks from your experience
on Become an Ex. I also know that all of this comes down to me making that
decision, the final one.
I just looked up at my content above and realized that it has become a bit
longer than I'd planned!!!
Thanks for reading my thoughts. I feel like I'm getting to where I have to
be. All I have right now is many previous attempts, 36 days smokefree,
after I fell apart for one day, got back on the no smoking horse, and now
am ready to jump on the nicotine free Stallion. Tomorrow will be my 8th
day (in a row) smokefree but still vaping. Asking for help is not one of
my favorite things to do, and I don't really know how to do it well.
So, I'm going to try to go back to bed and get some sleep...eager to read
whatever comes from this ramble. This time I WILL SUCCEED.
Blessings,
Michael
(Mavihoja)
On Fri, Jun 28, 2019 at 9:41 PM Bonnie <communityadmin@becomeanex.org>
Congrats on 10 DOF
