Anyone have an idea

[jennifer55]

I came on this site in June determined to quit...and as several know still struggling. I was doing ok but had several set backs...keep trying to get back up and quit. Finally went to the Dr to get some assistance because cold turkey was not working. They gave me chantix and an anti-depressant. I have been taking Chantix for 6 weeks now and I am still smoking. Granted the amount has drastically reduced.

I even stopped bothering to come on here just because I feel I have not only failed myself but everyone that tried to help me.

Kind of humorous that I have spent $400 in 2 months on different things to try and help me quit smoking...which is alot more money that I spend actually buying the cigarettes..lol. I know there is something holding me back and cant figure out what or why. With the chantix I can go 5-6 hours without even thinking of smoking and can watch tv without going outside for my cigarette...no problems. Another example today I walked in an office with someone smoking and not only did I get a headache but I was grossed out by the smell. Listened to the guy breathing heavy like his lungs were about to explode and was thinking to myself "i dont want that to be me...and I want to get rid of this nasty habit" and yet still dont. I often think to just not buy anymore...I buy 1 pack at a time now to make it more difficult for me..forces me to make the choice to go to the store and not have it convenient...down to a pack every 3 days from 1 pack a day. but when I decide this is it..no more buying I panic however unless accept on my way to work, on my way home, bedtime and when someone asks me to go out for a break..I dont even think about it.

I have spent alot trying to quit and really want to do this...it does hurt when someone so close to me tells me "yeah if you will probably quit for a few days then go back" but yet they are right. I do not seem to have what it takes to quit. Maybe I am fooling myself into believing I want to quit or maybe I am just to much of a coward to actually do it. I don't know. I have come pretty far in my opinion all things considered...but need to figure out how to take that last step into freedom....how do I know how to take that last step when I dont know what is stopping me? What am I afraid of..I know i am afraid of not succeeding..but is that holding me back. So afraid of failing that preventing myself from taking the step?? Anyways I know no one can dive into my brain...just wondered if anyone has an idea.

[debbie53]

I'm very glad to see you Sunshine! It sounds like your making strides, but you do sooner or later have to "commit" to quitting! No question about it. The Chantix is not a magic pill that makes this "addiction" go away, it's a buffer, so to speak, just as is the patch, gum, lozenge or anything else!
Don't fool yourself Jen into thinking that smoking is just a nasty habit! It's not! It's a nasty addiction and you must take control of it rather than letting it control you. I wish you all the success in the world and sincerely hope that you and your Son are doing well and being happy. I hope to hear from you.
Me

[hwc]

Jennifer:

If someone from outer space landed on earth and read your blog, they would say that you are utterly miserable torturing yourself as a smoker and being trapped by your drug addiction.

They would ask, "if you are this miserable as a nicotine addict, buying your drugs one pack at a time, why don't you just quit, pay the piper for a couple of weeks, and be done with it, to live your life free from drug addiction?"

[donna25]

Hi Jennifer, And YOUare not alone in feeling like that! I have used (am using)Chantix-does work-wow. My husband-the man that was going to teach me how to Quit smoking-still smokes, his excuses bring me to my knees -they are hilarious,,been there done that. I know hes amazed that I managed to find the strength to better myself w/out his help! I believe that he has been put in his place!!! It seems to me that the people that most wanted me to fail (blow-it) were the ones that professed to love me the most! Sounds a-fn-mazing but HE was frightened, scared that I would advance beyond him! NOW,25days later, his admiration for me shines through everything he does! He picked his quit date ---12-08, asked for my help and chasitised himself for being so hardheaded. I was dazed---WOW---felt magnificent. Having him come to the realization that before 'him', I too, HAD a life and I can go on having one w/out him shook him to the core. It really had an impact on my STAYING quit-now we have been planning for new adventures---ones that 4 days ago he would never have considered.When it happens-when life changes-FEAR is often the first hurdle to overcome. FEAR--Friends (Should not) Eagerly Await Relapses-----Usually makes them feel secure in their own situations, they'd rather you fail then-them........STAY STRONG and BELIEVE!!

[jennifer55]

well the ones that say that to me are ones that have never smoked in their life and dont understand why I am taking so long or why I am even struggling at all.

[jennifer55]

Thank you Edith. I know i always get posts from you and I have always appreciated them. I really do want this to be my last quit for good...just cant figure out how to make that one final decision...because once I do I do not EVER want to be in this situation again. This has to be the final...no more.

[jennifer55]

I know. Thank you so much!!

[John-C.]

Keep at it! The right time is always "now". I also joined this site in June. It took me five months to get involved. Persistence is key, so don't be too disappointed when something trips you up. Just get right back up and stay at it, stay focused, stay positive and stay strong. The investment you made is worth it, eventually you can quit, and this is all part of the preparation. Keep everything you have, just in case you need to go back to it.

Best of all, educate yourself and write down your top reasons for quitting. Maybe also look back at your previous quit and find some similarities. This is a great reference down the road, when some of the addiction-speak starts coming up in your head. This voice is probably what is telling you to fear quitting. It is part of the addiction. It does pay to separate this voice from your body's natural voice, which tells you to stay healthy! Best wishes for your quit, keep up the good work!

[edith2]

The past is gone, the future isn't here yet. The only thing that matters is right now. Right now you aren't smoking and I'm so happy for you. Don't stress on the future. All we have is right now.

[mario-pinot-rios]

F stands for feedback. It sounds like you are doing all ytou cna and it is not helping. I have no idea what to do. It is a cunning addiction, in the short run you might spend more but in the long run it will be worth it. Seriously, you might want to see a smoking cessation therapist (psychiatrist) to find out whts what. Sorry this is so lame. Thank you.