Some not all of us go through the emotional roller coaster in the beginning of our quits. Could it be the dependence/addiction/habit calling to us or is it simply our brain just healing and rejuvenating itself from years and years of us abusing it? So many different theories on that are out there in the wonderful world of the Internet. Be sure to go to trusted sites that have been around a long time to find articles to read.
One that I found to be informative and have a whole boatload of articles is whyquit.com. One just about this subject is as follows: http://whyquit.com/joel/Joel_03_13_stages_of_death.html. I can attest in my short 490 days, I had the cycle of emotions come around every 30 to 45 days of anger, depression, self-pity. They'd hang around for awhile and then go away. Then the next round would start over again. I can tell you that it doesn't come around much, if at all, anymore. I could have found that happy place, but then who knows. And it might not be a happy place. It's just plain old contentment now. I'm moving around in the circles of nonsmokers now. Normal people who never entertained the thought of smoking, who used other means to deal with life.
One thing I do know is that I am now a former smoker. I don't like to use the term of nonsmoker, because I did smoke. I have a problem dealing with nicotine. I'm not saying that I'm going to smoke one cigarette and then be puffing on the whole pack. What I am saying is that if they're here within my grasp, and I'll be totally honest here, I can't say at times the thought floats around in my brain. What stops me dead in my tracks is that I'm not going to take that chance of being a full-time smoker again. There is no guarantees that if I start puffing away again, is quitting going to be easier the next go-around. My answer to that is most likely no, it's not going to be easier. I'll have to go through the same garbage that I went through over the last 6 to 9 months. Um, no , thank you. I won't be testing that theory anytime soon. I didn't like it the first time. I sure as heck ain't going through it again.
I accept that with certain situations, certain memories, certain circumstances, I think of smoking. It doesn't bother me because I've done it for so long. I developed a dependency. My son-in-law is one of those occasional smokers. Only smokes when he drinks. I watched him the other day while visiting and made a comment to my daughter that last year around this time and I saw that, I'd have to leave. It would bother me. Now, I could care less. It actually takes my breath away as did cigars when I was a heavy smoker. Have no explanation for that one, but it did. The comment of boy, I could go for a cigarette right now does come out of my mouth, but so what? A thought is not an action. I know that I'm relieved not to be chained to cigarettes any longer. Checking to see if I have enough before I go somewhere. Looking to see if they have a smoking section or where to go for smoking. Constantly thinking about smoking, where to smoke, when can I smoke, how long before I can “have one.”
Some people have start and stops when they first quit. The go-with-what-you-know mentality is still fresh in your memory center. Give it 30 days and then come and blog your little heart out. During those 30 days, look up other blogs to read to reassure yourself you're not going crazy. Oh, wow, I guess this is normal. Oh, look, someone else felt the same way I did. Oh, I guess this is all part of quitting. Sometimes putting the crazy down to words, to a writing helps to reinforce your quit when you move along from month to month. Have comfort in knowing that the mental part does get less and less severe as you move along life (notice I said life and not smoking or quitting) because you are slowly replacing your memories associated with smoking with memories NOT associated with smoking. The following year that same memory you had of smoking is somehow lost in the shuffle........ trust that you'll get there, because you will. Embrace the crazy. It will teach you a lot about yourself. Blessings to you, my former smokers
crazymama_Lori 
