Okay, so I've tried to quit in the past. And failed. Many times.
They say that you have to do it for yourself, and the if you're really trying to quit for someone else, it won't work.
My problem with that is that I really don't care about myself as much as I do those around me.
So this time I'm quitting for my son.
We're alone down here, and only having each other is affecting me in different ways than I anticipated.
Now that the logistical reality has concreted, I find myself focusing on the enjoyable parts of life.
We're big into outdoor activities like hiking and camping. He's earned his Arrow of Light Award from Cub Scouts and is now in Boy Scouts. And now, I'm an assistant leader.
So now I'm feeling guilty.
History: My health was really poor for the last 2 years. I've finally gotten a diagnosis and am on medication and am almost back to my old self. I LOVE enjoying time with my son again.
Back to the guilty thing: I no longer have the sense of hopelessness that I didn't realize at the time I was harboring.
Now I feel guilty because the only thing standing between me and my son's adventures is my smoking.
So at this point, I realize how ludicrous it is to be smoking in the first place, and I'm royally ticked at myself for not being successful at quitting in the past.
And I'm scared. What if I don't succeed this time? what if I can't keep up on the hikes? What if I let him down.
But I will cross each of those bridges if I come to them.
In the meantime, tomorrow will be my first smoke-free day. Any support and advice is readily welcome here!
I look forward to being able to talk with other people going through the same thing - I don't really have anyone in my life that I can call up who understands what this is going to be like.
