Today feels like a funeral for a (toxic) friend...

[Ldizz]

Hi everyone - I'm new here, but my quit day is tomorrow. Today is my last day vaping, and in a weird way it feels like a funeral for a friend. I know vaping is bad for me, and I know I'm resolute in my reasons why I'm quitting - I want to have more children, I want to feel free from the stranglehold nicotine and my vape have on me, I want to live a healthier life where I respect my body and my mind more. But I can't help but think about how vaping has "been with me" through hard times in my life - that it's allowed me an escape from things that have felt so hard to deal with. In a way, it feels like a funeral for a friend, but I know that vaping was never really a friend at all. I know I need to find healthier ways to cope with my stress and anxiety, ways to entertain myself during long drives alone, ways to unwind and relax without it. But I can't help but feel like this is a very permanent close on a chapter that's been open the last few years of my life.

I'd really appreciate some support from all of you in the community - you who have been able to overcome and redefine your lives without nicotine, vaping, or smoking.

My emotions are complicated, and I'm committed, but I also have a weird sadness too that I can't quite understand.

Thank you all in advance for your compassion and support.

[Hannahkim12345]

I haven’t read others replies so sorry if I’m repeating. I completely understand what you mean about saying goodbye. Although we know it was a “toxic” relationship it was there for us. We now need to find something healthier. Until I have the cravings under some control I’m not going to obsess about only eating healthy foods. For now I’m allowing myself hard candies when that crave hits. Popcorn, cheese snd lot of good teas. Just the fact that you made this paramount decision you deserve a congratulations. You sound committed and I think you are going to do very well. Believe in yourself! 

[green1611]

Congratulations in advance for you quit.

You emotions are true and honest, I feel. It is not about why to quit smoking, that is almost every quitter has in mind, what is important is how ? how to quit.  very very important. 

You are in right group here. I quit seven years back, and I owe my gratitude to this group. 

May be you can turn the coin in your hand and see the other side of it. Nicotine is not friend ! It is indeed, more than enemy... just think, you would agree. And once you quit,  more you tend to agree that nicotine was not your friend but enemy...

All the best ! We are with you. Just shout !

[pamiam]

Congratulations on your quit.:)

I have only recently quit and feel much better, life seems a little brighter and anxiety is definitely more manageable after the initial hump.

[Ldizz]

Hi everyone - I feel like I owe it to all of you to provide an update. This weekend was certainly a learning experience but I feel it important to let you know that I failed in this attempt. A weekend marked by significant fighting with my spouse, and the stress of work taking over today, I was not able to find success. I feel extreme shame at my failure - I'm disappointed in myself and I'm disappointed I wasn't able to do this in spite of what seemed like my best effort. But what I learned from this was that this wasn't my best effort - I need to prepare myself better, and my resolve needs to be stronger.

I'm still committed to quitting, but I feel like I need to build myself a strong plan of action for my next quit date - what will I do when my home life is extremely stressful? How do I handle working from home, when my at home routine has so significantly included vaping within it. I know I need to write all of these things out, keep them visible, and keep myself motivated. Thank you for all your advice to date - I will carry it with me forward. My next quit date is 12/18. On 12/18, I'm off work until 1/3/2021. My kids will be in daycare most of that time. I will create myself a list of projects, will have time to nap if I'm tired, and can focus on time for self care. 

Thank you all again. I'm still fighting.

[Hannahkim12345]

Don’t beat yourself up. That’s good that you already set a date. It sounds like a plan. You can do this. I’m finding out that if I set my mind to it I can do it. I have to tell myself there’s no other choice. Smoking will keep me in hell. 

[indingrl]

Thanks for sharing and it was SUGGESTED to ME to write a goodbye letter because MY lover and best friend was nicotine so I took the SUGGESTION and it HELPED ME - I am so glad YOUR nicotine free  and CONGRATS 3 DOF