Hi. This is my first post. I’ve been quit for 70 days as of today. I was a smoker on and off (mostly on) for probably around 15 years. In 2013 I became more of a regular smoker after I befriended someone I met during a work break. We would hang out a lot and smoking would just be something we would do. And honestly, I slowly became a functioning alcoholic while my mom was dying, and then passed away from cancer in 2011. There were other stressors in my life that contributed too at the time. My alcoholism got a bit worse as time went on.
I quit smoking for a variety of reasons. I had tried before over the course of 3 years. I would think about quitting more and more as I got older. This time I quit because I was concerned for my future health, because of I was afraid of catching COVID, and because I developed GERD (acid reflux- smoking and drinking are triggers). I also felt that I had some shortness of breath while climbing stairs. That was never and issue for me before. Also, smoking and drinking went hand in hand. I would not smoke unless I was drinking coffee, or drinking alcohol. I drank more as I was furloughed for almost 4 months in the spring and summer.
I wanted to stop drinking so much too, and I knew if I quit, I would decrease that addiction at the same time. So I quit cigarettes November 30, and have barely had any alcohol since. 2 a week, if any at all. My GERD got much better over time— it’s almost gone. I lost 15 pounds which I attribute to the significant decrease in alcohol, and changing my diet because of the GERD.
I broke up with my boyfriend of a year last week. He was a little bit of a bully. I suffer from depression, and it got worse during the pandemic and while I was with this person. I’m actually less depressed and feeling more confident with myself just a week into being single. I bought a 6 pack of hard cider on the day of my break up. I’d have one every day until it was done. I thought of smoking while drinking them maybe a few times. Not too bad I guess.
A few days before my break up, I hung out with the friend I mentioned above for the first time since I quit. We went for a walk and he smoked a few times. It was maybe the first time I smelled cigarette smoke after quitting, and then craved smoking myself. After learning that my ex was talking garbage about me last Saturday, I felt like having a cigarette. I didn’t buy any. And now that I’m feeling more or less good, I think of wanting a cigarette as well for some reason. I know I will regret it if I do, so I haven’t done anything about it. Hopefully I won’t ever.
I have thought, what if I just bum one from someone in the future if I feel like having one? Will I become hooked again? I used to think I enjoyed it for the most part. I wonder if bumming one would feel enjoyable, or just feel gross. I’d probably feel really guilty in the end, so I’m going to try my very best and think about NOPE. Plus, I’d have to change my username to this website as I quit on 11-30-20. Ha.
