Smoking and Relationships

[Dr_Hurt]

Smoking can play an important, but subtle role in our relationships with others.  A person may reach for a cigarette when laughing and socializing with other smokers or light a cigarette when alone after a disagreement with a loved one.  Smoking can be an easy way to make acquaintances with others who have stepped outside to have a cigarette.  The cigarette itself can feel like a 'best-friend'.

It can sometimes be hard to imagine being with people or being alone when considering a smoke-free future.  But, in some ways smoking may really distract us from deeper relations with others.  A preoccupation with cigarettes can keep us distracted and not able to fully enjoy the company of others especially non-smokers.  And stopping smoking can provide an opportunity to connect with others in new meaningful ways.

[Thomas3.20.2010]

If a sickerette is your BEST FRIEND then people aren't, are they?

[Mike.n.Atlanta]

Quitting can also provide an opportunity to connect with ourselves.

[Madyzsgocka]

I'd rather be alone and not smoke than be with smoking ppl, smoking with them.

[star17]

totally agree. smoking does that to you- for me, i got started socially- and made friends through smoking...and after a while...my best friend was the cig. people would go in and i'd stay outside smoking. or people wouldn't be smoking and i'd be ignoring what they said thinking 'when can i go outside?'. My social smoking turned antisocial and it took me a long time to realize it. cigarettes don't do anything positive for you.

[AnthonyAMorton]

I never looked at it like that before. You are correct. Wow

[shawlan]

One of my reasons to quit was social. I felt I was limiting myself of the number of friends I could have because I smoked. I felt I was not being included in 'group' activities because of my habit.

After having quit, I found out that those were my feelings alone. My friend base has not increased. It has actually decreased because I do not hang with the smokers any more. BUT - I can go around the other people and not be ashamed or insecure because of the way I smell or the stains on on my hands. 

It is still early yet, so there is time for the numbers to increase.

My most important relationship though, with my husband, has improved more than I could have ever imagined. He is a reformed smoker. We are celebrating our 15 year Anniversary today and I am having to ask myself where did those 15 years go? I can't honestly say our marriage seems like just yesterday (LOL), but I would not be far off by saying it feels like it has only been a few months. 🙂

A non-smoker for 48 days and loving it!!!

Shawn in Georgia

[jq_2]

Julie, you can do it! I am a smoker but I had quit for about 10 years. It has to be a powerful drive within you and I think you are starting to get that. I don't want to be smoking and I am so sorry I started. But I do know that it is possible to quit & to not miss it.

[julie57]

I have not quit smoking yet, but a recent vacation may have me convinced it is time.  As smoking has become more and more unacceptable, I had resigned myself that I have to miss conversations and fun to go outside for my smoke.  What happened on a 2 week camping/kayaking vacation, which was a small group excursion, really showed me how isolating it has become.  I travel solo quite a bit and always make friends wherever I go, but because I was always with the same group of people the whole time this trip was different.  I was the only smoker in the group and it become obvious early on that the others were avoiding me.  I watched as the rest of the group made friends they will probably keep for life and it was clear I was not one of them.  I still had a great vacation and there were a few people I had good conversations with, but a lot of my time was spent reading adn writing when we were not out whale watching or hiking.  After the trip I spoke to some non-smoking family and friends and they all said the same thing... When in a social group they will aviod hanging out with smokers if at all possible.  I was not meant to be a hermit, so my only other choice is to find the willpower to quit.  If anyone has the patience to help a 35 year smoker who has never wanted to quit, I am taking applications!  I want to go back to making friends on my adventures!