Open the Closet Door

[NDC_Team]

Lately, I have been encountering many individuals that are “closet smokers.”  This made me wonder how many of you on the EX Community were hiding your smoking from loved ones?  What types of lies did you tell yourself? How big of a canyon did you create in your relationships with the people you love?

When people smoke in secret it creates loneliness, pain, and isolation for the smoker.   It often times makes the person feel ashamed, guilty, and trapped. In addition, most have gone to great lengths to cover up their addiction to avoid being discovered.  Using mints, air fresheners, perfume, changing clothes, reasons to get up and leave, not go somewhere, and hiding in unusual places are all methods and excuses for the closet smoker to hide their addiction.  I once had a patient tell me that she hid under a school bus to smoke.

If this is you, how do you go about quitting? The first step is being honest with yourself and others to help end your relationship with cigarettes. Many times, covert smokers quit in secret, which eliminates support when it is needed the most. Your loved ones may already know of your addiction, but have chosen to avoid confrontation.  Being honest opens up a bigger circle of support bringing you out of isolation. Set your stop date and plan your quit approach whether it be reducing to quit, “cold turkey,” or nicotine replacement medications.  Even if your road to quitting tobacco has a few detours, STAY OUT of the CLOSET and keep reaching out for support.

Heather Kraling-Coons

NDC Counselor/CTTS

[sweetplt]

I was in and out of the closet...when I lost my quit 4 years ago...husband and friends new...however, I never told my parents or sisters, and many of my group activities person's didn't know...it was a horrible lie...I would tell myself I will only smoke when I drink...and those who had cocktail with me, saw for themselves...all others did not...~ yes not a life I want to have ever again...great post...~ Colleen

[YoungAtHeart]

When you quit smoking, you only then realize the stench that attaches to it.  Trust me when I tell you that unless you changed your clothes (and kept everything you wore or carried in a nonsmoking location ---- including all your coats, purses, shoes,  hats and gloves)  and showered and washed your hair after EVERY cigarette, everyone around you knew that you smoked.  "Closet" smokers stunk even more because oftentimes they smoked in an enclosed space.  The term is a misnomer.

I can smell a smoker in the back of a store from the front of a store now that I have quit!  Nonsmokers experience the same.

Unless these people around them are also smokers, you might tell them there is no reason not to tell  them that they have quit - those folks already know about the smoking!

Nancy

[elvan]

Was I a closet smoker?  Not MOST of the time but when I lost a quit that I had going for several months, I tried to keep that under wraps.  I did not want ANYONE to know.  I found reasons to leave the house, I took the dog for long walks, when we went to the beach for a family reunion, I did not want family to know so I went for an evening walk every day...I was going for that walk so I could smoke.  I carried a little backpack with me, it had my cigarettes in it along with a washcloth that had liquid soap and water on it.  I also had some lotion...after I smoked...out on the windy beach, I would wash my face with that washcloth and scrub off what I thought were any remnants of the smell of smoke.  I would wash my hands and apply lotion and when I went back to the place where we were staying, I was confident that I did not smell like smoke.  We were there for over a week and I was very tanned...near the very end of the vacation, I took a close look at myself in a magnifying mirror and realized that I had what looked like a five o'clock shadow from washing my face out in the wind and then letting it dry.  Instead of being very tanned, the five o'clock shadow was actually made up of very tiny scabs.  My poor face.  I looked like Fred Flintstone.  If anyone smelled me or knew what was going on, they did not confront me or say anything to ME...they MAY have discussed it amongst themselves.  I never knew although my son recently told me that HE knew because HE could smell it.  I deluded myself into thinking that no one knew.  When I eventually came clean to my family, it was SUCH a relief for me.  I, of course, assured them that I would never return to smoking like I did in the past.  They all looked at me with sincere disappointment and I know that THEY knew it would not be long before I was, indeed, back to smoking the same amount I smoked before I quit.

I know many closet smokers who think no one knows they smoke...I considered myself too "honorable" to sustain being a closet smoker.  What a JOKE...truth is that it was just too exhausting.  There was nothing involving honor in my refusing to be a closet smoker.

Great topic, thanks for bringing it up.  Like YoungAtHeart‌, I can smell a smoker from several aisles away in a store...closet or not.  The smell is there.

Ellen

[lanhog07]

I am quitting and am 15. My parents found my vapes and took away my phone and revoked my privellages of going out of the house and staying the night at my brothers until further notice. I personally am very upset with this as I am now cut off from all outside communication except for on this laptop. It just makes me lonley, and I dont think thats helping me quit. How should I go about speaking with them about this?

[YoungAtHeart]

@lanhog07 

Welcome!  We can keep you company!  You are being punished, and I am not sure your parents would welcome pleading from you at this point.

What I might do is take this as an opportunity to learn about your addiction, plan how you will beat it, and show your parents you are taking this quit thing seriously (and you should!).  We can help with your plan.

You have posted on an older blog, and I am not sure most currently active will see it.  To remedy that, I suggest you write a blog to introduce yourself (Ex Community - top left.  Then center box "Post a Journal/Blog"). 

I look forward to seeing you there.

Nancy

[Mallory99]

@lanhog07 Yes!!!  Please take Nancy’s (young at heart) advice seriously. Do this for yourself. Vaping, smoking etc is not cool in any way, it’s a fool’s trap. Good luck to you, the EX community is here for you ❤️