I was recently talking with my daughter when she asked me “How do you change your mindset when you are struggling to change your behavior?” As a senior in college, her thoughts are centered around ‘adulting’ issues including time management, completing homework, managing the “fear of missing out” (FOMO), balancing work time with fun time, and managing her money.
We explored several ideas for changing one’s mindset. Some of them included:
- Making a plan - rather than just “flying by the seat of our pants”
- Being clear with ourselves about why the change is important
- Preparing for it to be difficult at times when trying to change something in your life
- Expecting that we may experience FOMO; so, when it happens, it isn’t a surprise
- Creating a document to help with tracking our current behavior to identify more clearly just what it is I would like to change.
- Taking time to sit quietly each day and be in touch with what matters to us most
As the conversation wound down, I found myself thinking that we did a good job of sorting through this and coming up with some practical strategies for changing one’s mindset. As we prepared to say goodbye, one more thought popped into my mind that I felt was important to share with her:
People tend to spend a lot of time and energy feeling guilty about not making changes that they want to make. This only serves to keep us from putting that time and energy into making the desired changes. So, it is important to be kind, gentle, and forgiving of ourselves which will help us to feel better, and to be more productive going forward.
After the conversation ended and I was reflecting on it, it occurred to me that this same approach could be helpful to those who are trying to change their mindset to one of quitting tobacco:
Would making a list about the reasons you want to quit spur you on?
Would having a firm quit plan in place that included tobacco cessation medications be helpful?
Do you need to know that you will be able to take some time each day to just be alone with your thoughts, as you consider embarking on this new path?
…What will it take for you to change your mindset?
Tim Milbrandt, MS, LMFT
Addictions Coordinator /CTTS
Photo by kylie De Guia
