Hello, everybody! I have been diagnosed with Bipolar II, after going ten years with a monopolar depression diagnosis. The new diagnosis came a couple of years ago, after I had taken an SSRI for about ten years. I take clonazepam (generic Klonopin), which was originally prescribed for panic attacks (my version of mixed state/hypomania), which for me, instead of lasting half an hour, can go on for hours, and even days -- no, I'm not kidding. They tend to leave me, well, a bit exhausted. Otherwise, i'm considered extremely "high functioning," which is to say that you could live with me for months on end and not know what I'm going through, because I keep it to myself.
Oh yeah, and I smoke. My chosen quit date is January 2nd. I've quit before -- the longest period having been for 14 years -- and I usually do best on Saturdays, for some reason.
Of two things I am certain: There is no "sustitute" for a cigarette. This doesn't mean that people shouldn't use whatever gets them through (chewing gum, straws, candy, and the like), but I've always found it helpful not to try and coax myself into thinking that I'm not giving some thing up. It's just that what I'm gaining by quitting is so much better, in the long run. The other thing I know is that smoking doesn't make me "feel good" -- it's only a way to dodge the rotten feelings that spring up when I'm deprived of nicotine, in the short term.
I found this out the hard way last summer. I had gone sixteen days, cold turkey, and had a mixed-state episode that was keeping me up in the wee hours of the morning. If any of you Bi-P's out there have experienced this sort of "agitated depression," you know what hell it can be. There are two other smokers in this household, so there were cigarettes around. It didn't take much for me to convince myself that I would settle down if I just had one or two. I didn't. I ended up taking one problem -- the mixed state episode -- and turning it into two -- I was in a mixed state AND once again a smoker.
Anybody out there try impulsive quitting on a regular basis? Been there, done that, literally hundreds on times. This time, as in my more successful past attempts, I'm planning this sucker this time. So it's January 2nd. I may move the date up to december 26th; the effects of smoking on me are worse than they are for most people (i.e., I'm actually allergic to smoke, so I have asthma attacks and even the skin where I hold the cancer stick gets irritated), so I'll take the time to see if I'm ready.
A long intro, no? Well, brain disorders do complicate things. Best of luck to everybody out there!
