sesposito Day 9, not so fine. I am determined to use the patch for the duration of the program. However, the patches give me the most wrestless sleep and the worst nightmares. In fact, last night took a sleeping pill and melatonin to calm down. I think I got my first full night sleep in 9 flippin days. I am angry and happy about it; do I now have to be cautious that I'll get hooked on OTC sleeping pills! On a positive note, I woke up with a vigor. Did 2 loads of laundry, cleaned out the fridge, went for a bike ride, and went grocery shopping. I was at Trader Joes and this guy commented on me smelling like vanilla. It did make me smile, even though I really just wanted to punch him in the face, but really I've just wanted to punch everything... I have to say the idea that food tastes better, not for me so far. I end up having this overwhelming feeling of guilt whenever I eat. Counting calories like an obsessed monster. Just that comment alone makes me realize that there must be things that I was hiding behind by smoking. What an awakening moment. Hiding behind cigarettes to consume food and working out obsessively but smoking before and after the gym. Good grief, the mind does crazy things. I'm glad today is smoke free, and I have to remember it's only a day at a time. This too shall pass and the accumulation of days reinforces that I really don't want to go back to this ugly habit. The positive thing is that I have still not done to buy a pack of cigarettes and I'm using the phone operated Quit Coaches for support. I think those Quit Coaches, blogging here and FB have gotten me through this so far. My goal is to get through the patches, feel every emotion that I have (good, bad, and ugly) and sit through it. I'm isolating quite a bit, but I don't even like me right now so why would I even think anyone else would like me.
