anglerspride-otg I broke down and got another pack. I have schizophrenia and bipolar and ptsd.. I am lucky I can even function... I am crying again.. I smoked 3 this morning. I reset my quit date.. I am almost house bound because of my mental illness. Just scared of outside. scared of inside too.. Paranoid of everything.. Maybe this is just an excuse not to quit. I still have my death wish, but would rather it be on my terms.. Not the terms of a cigarette. I dont want to quit because it is slow suicide, yet am afraid I am going to die. So many conflicting emotions and my mind is a whirl... I took some meds to help me stop crying.. I don't know what to do with myself.. I miss the people who have died.. I want to join them , but part of me wants to live... I restarted my clock. I don't know if anyone can help my crazy self.. My chest hurts from crying.. I feel alone in this. My friends aren't helping.. One tells me to go ahead and smoke instead of being so upset, the other who has never smoked says just say no... I have failed to do so many things. The last time I quit I was manic.. It was easy.. I trusted God to help me and he did. I think he wants me to struggle and suffer this time.. I just need to know if there is anyone with a mental illness that has beat this...
