I FEEL STUPID...

[millon03]

I feel stupid. I thought once again that if I just made up my mind, whamo, I would be able to not pick up a smoke this morning. I didn't do any planning last night when I was done working, I just drank a couple of beers and tried to smoke as much of my last pack as I could get through before bed. I didn't wet the remaining smokes in the pack and throw them away like I thought I should so they wouldn't be on my desk in the morning. I just thought, "Last pack and I will be done"... I am sure most here can relate, you have probably done the same as me, like a million times, and then hated yourself for failing so easy the next day.

Ok, so 3 smokes left in the pack in my desk drawer, I really, really don't want to go buy more at lunchtime, I really, really want this insanity in my head to end and just get over to the other, smoke-free side, and start learning to live without these damn awful things.  I am so scattered about my thoughts right now I don't even know where to begin, except here, telling this website how I feel. Not one person in the real world knows what I am going through.  My mom had a hip replacement at the beginning of the month and came out of it a non-smoker, she has smoked longer than me.  But she won't talk to me about it though I hear her talking on the phone to others about it. She just stopped. My sneaky little nicotine mind thinks she is cheating, but there is absolutely no evidence.  I have told her (and everyone else) a million times that I am done, and a million-and-one times I have failed.  So this is just a secret agony I am going through by myself.  I am so glad I found this website.  You know what the funny thing is? I can't remember the last time I truly enjoyed lighting up and smoking a cigarette. Every inhale is a curse I say to myself.

Peace

M.

[virgomama]

A little vicks vaporub under your nose might help

[elvan]

You absolutely need to get rid of anything that reminds you of smoking...sorry about your Dad.  Do you think there is ANY chance that you could ask him to smoke outside to help support you AND your mother?  It's not good for him either. I got rid of everything that reminded me of smoking and I changed my smoking area into a healthy area.  I did not smoke in the house but I did smoke on the deck.  I can tell you to put a dab of Vicks under your nose to help with the smell but I don't really know of ANYTHING that would camouflage the smell of cigars and no one should be inhaling second hand smoke either.

This is one day at a time and you are going to have to figure out the best way to keep your quit safe.  Is there any possibility that you can MOVE your office?  BTW, congratulations to your mother, sometimes, people quit at what seems like the most challenging times and they seem to just sail through.  Addiction is addiction and recovery is a journey.  You can do this.

Ellen

[OldBones-Larry]

Listen to everyone above and take what helps you.

I had a very good friend that gave me, and this site, some very good advise on quits. 

/blogs/TheOldGoat-Joan-10-21-1994-blog/2014/04/21/what-makes-a-quit 

This is what she had to say and it helped me and so many others. I hope you can find help from it.

Larry

[millon03]

I love it! Thanks Bones!  Ready to put it up on post-its all over my space!

[Mandolinrain]

First of all YOUR NOT STUPID. You are smart enough to come here and reach out for help. Thats the actions of someone who wants to quit. ...you are SMART! No more self negative talk, it won't do a thing for your esteem to make this quit work. You will quit when your sick and tired of being sick and tired...of all of it, the taste, the smell the feeling of mourning that your 'losing something, when actually now your training your brain that your GAINING'. 

Gaining your life back...your self control. You can wear all the big girl panties in the world but you gotta pull's up and change 'em as needed, lol.

So anyway...great advise from everyone above. We are cheering for you and PLEASE come here and read blogs. Read Allen Carrs book...over and over and over. Let it marinate in your head

Heres some quotes I used alot that helped me stay strong!

Glad you're here ~ You are not Stupid. Period.

[millon03]

You are absolutely right!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!

[McCarron]

I am going to be starting a support group in my community and I will share these quotes with my group. Thanks

[JACKIE1-25-15]

READ THE SUGGESTED MATERIAL...YOU WON'T GO WRONG. https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex/blog/2013/08/11/foundation-for-a-successful-qui...‌

[sweetplt]

Thank you Jackie ... loved this post you shared and can’t wait to read some of the sites recommended.  Colleen aka sweetp 

[maryfreecig]

Nicotine causes dependency on cigarettes in the majority who smoke. Nothing to do with stupid or weak, everything to do with setting a quit goal and learning about the addiction, making a plan AND using it. Yes you can one day at a time.