crazymama_Lori

My 10-day fail, but boy did I ever change that

Blog Post created by crazymama_Lori on Feb 23, 2017

Day 1 for me back when I did the teeter-totter was December 31, 2015....... this was my back and forth journey which I kept on Facebook until I finally decided to commit and never go back ever again on January 25, 2016. As a present to myself to celebrate my anniversary and hopefully help some new member along the way, this is what I posted:

 

 

 

Day 2 of no smoking and the bargaining begins. I'll just cut down and only smoke outside.... nope, tried that before, didn't work. I can have just one a day.... nope, tried that before, didn't work. Just keep telling myself, you're not smoking today. My hardest part is the morning when I wake up and after I complete like a job or a task for work. I've discovered the car starts and runs without one. I can cook a meal or wash dishes without one. I mainly use smoking in the morning to get me going and I use it basically a lot for relaxation.

 

 

 

Day 3, this sucks, but hanging in there. the true test is going into the store, checking out and not buying a pack. 43 years of slowly killing myself has to stop somewhere, right?????

 

 

 

Day 5 - Hoping today will be better than yesterday. Gawd that was awful. That was probably the worse day ever, but I made it through. I came closer than a frog's hair to buying a pack and be done with it, but held on. Glad to see the restless leg has calmed down. Sleeping has improved a little. Believe it or not, these wonderful menopause hot flashes have gone down. You know, you never realize how much damage smoking does until your body rejuvenates itself again and then the payback begins. ..... I've smoked for 43 years, toward the end here I was up to almost 2 packs a day. If you're thinking of quitting, wanting to quit, tried and failed but really want to get back on, YOU CAN DO IT !!!!!

 

 

 

Day 6 - Got up this morning and didn't even think about smoking. I haven't tried working yet without it, but today is the day. Just have to relearn coping techniques. Most of us smoke because of frustration or anger. Well, let me tell you, both of those just blurt out at this point. I'm halfway to the 2 week mark. The taste buds are back. Never knew how good things taste and how really nasty others do, like beer..... who knew that tasted so nasty

 

 

 

Day 7 - Well, yesterday sucked once again and gave in and had one smoke all day. It's amazing how it calmed my head, relaxed my body and made me feel guilty all at the same time. I read an article yesterday about the romance of smoking. I loved the smell of my dad's station wagon when I was a kid because it smelled like cigarette smoke. I loved the taste of tobacco when I had my first cigarette at age 12. It's funny because when I lit up yesterday and inhaled, I tasted that again and thought to myself, I haven't tasted that in years. I think that's what made me stop, throw it down and go in the house. You have deprived yourself because of this habit. this habit has owned you for so many years. Well, we're back at it again today..... when I get to tomorrow, it will be the longest I've ever been without nicotine (tried the ecig and just thought those were nasty and made me want to smoke more) and at day 5 was the longest I've ever been without a cigarette. On the upswing, the cravings aren't half as bad and have a shorter duration. I'm hanging in there and you can too!!!!! (Present day, this was when I was just visiting the site)

 

 

 

Day 8 - Just real anxious for my sleep patterns to finally return back to somewhat normality. Read a post from a fellow smoker who is also quitting along with me about seeing these next 2 weeks as an ocean storm. the cravings are the waves that are coming in hard and quick, but go back out again only to come crashing back. After week 2 the calming starts and after the month mark, it's clear sailing.

 

My other observation is when I "fell off the wagon" the other day, after smoking my legs felt so damn heavy. I just thought to myself no wonder why I felt so tired all the time. the upswing is I'm getting a whole lot of things accomplished around here keeping busy. I'm more emotional today, but I'm sure that has to do with the lack of sleep or broken sleep I've been having. it's so nice to finally be able to lay down and not wheeze and to actually make it up the basement steps without being winded. Just remember if I can do this, you can too !!!!!

 

 

 

Day 9 - well, restless leg is back. I did actually dream last night, haven't done that since I started this. found out that work is my trigger. I always smoked after I completed a job, file, whatever to relax and move on to the next one. Have to work on that.

 

When I tried quitting two years ago, I made a vow not to smoke in my car. With starts and stops, I eventually stuck to it because it became second nature. The first thing I always notice when I get in my new car now (well, not newer, had it almost for 2 years already), was it always smelled so good. I remember once a year ago I tried smoking and driving and it felt so strange and never went back to it. Pavlov's theory, perhaps I should start shocking myself every time I want to smoke, huh?

 

I remember one time I went to the store and stopped at the deli counter and ordered something, and the girl said did you just have a cigarette? I just stared at her for a minute thinking, wow, I guess I do smell like a walking ashtray. My sense of smell hasn't returned quite yet, but it should be interesting once it does to see how many good things and bad things I've been missing ....... If I made it this long, you can too!!!!!!!!!

 

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Then the posting falls off as did my quit. I ended up buying a pack last year on the 10th day on the 10th of January, 2016, and thought I was doing well by only smoking 2 to 4 cigarettes a day. I had that stranglehold, that panic, that fear. I didn't know what to expect, what was coming, what will happen. I read conflicting stories before coming to Ex. I called hotlines and they didn't know what they were talking about. The first question I'd ask was, are you a former smoker? Most of them said no. Then how are you going to know what I'm about to put myself through. I was scrambling for any excuse not to quit. I'd get angry over seeing dust (which if you ever saw my house, you'd find that amusing).

 


 

 

So for those of you beginning this path, starting the journey, deciding to quit, coming back after you went back to the dark side. Here is my testament to you. This is where I started back on day 1 and then day 1 over and over again until the 25th rolled around. I kept at it until I found something in myself to make it stick, to make myself commit, to rev up that willpower. I can't give you my exact answer because it's not going to help you one bit. You have to find that place for yourself for your quit. This is not impossible. This is not insurmountable. This is something that can be done one day at time, one week at a time. Keep reading, keep trying, don't give up. I smoked for 43 years at 2 packs a day, sometimes three when I was drinking. It's a rollercoaster. Some days are good and some days are bad. But really, think about it, isn't that what life is in general???

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