indingrl

Breathing in and out 

Blog Post created by indingrl on Nov 2, 2020

I remember when I was little 6 year old and I would HOLD MY breath and HOPE he was NOT going to rape ME tonight - I was so scared in the beginning - then after DAYS of holding MY breath each time it is NOW a breath habit and that habit -  TODAY -  I am still trying to break - HOLDING MY breathe when life gets TOUGH - HOLDING MY breath because I don't know how to speak proper words to confront a jackass- I would SMOKE at people in MY PAST and  - I would smoke and smoke and smoke telling MYSELF that smoking HELPS ME breath better - smoking HELPS ME cope with people better because smoking HELPS ME say nice things to those people who are a jackass - I keep using these EXCUSES to smoke and NOT be responsible for MY emotions -  then inside of ME - would be this HUGE volcano of bitterness and rage and frustrations and to STOP this volcano from erupting -  I would smoke 50 cigarettes a day -  so I could act like a nice person to the jackass - that was MY HOLD back emotions at all costs in MY OLD ADDICT MINDSET PAST and Today I have broken that OLD ADDICT MINDSET to repeat to MYSELF - n.o.p.e. NOT TODAY - it is written - I have the mind of Christ and thats is MY belief and TODAY  - I breath DEEPLY in and out as I deal with closure of Richards death - he had emphysema COPD and STAYED 16 YEARS n.o.p.e. lifestyle - I breath DEEPLY as I get news MY friend Jimmy who I have known for 34 YEARS in a recovery family has emphysema - only 30 percent lung capacity - his wife shared with MY family at Richards celebration of life - I remembered BUT for the grace of God go I - I breath DEEPLY just NOW and lifted Jimmy and his wife and family in prayer - I breath in and out gratitude to MY Daddy God in faith and love to MY Lord Jesus for a COLD TURKEY QUIT on January 6 2011 and I continue to breath in and out asking MY Holy Spirit to teach ME to pray for all those addicted to nicotine in MY Lord Jesus name amen - thanks for letting ME share - when a crave HITS and it will thats is a FACT and when I want to be the jackass - I pray by breathing DEEP in and out BEFORE I open MY mouth to speak because I love people TODAY I love face to face masks wearing people TODAY -  ONLY by Gods grace -  I love that ONE person who is in DENIAL of their OWN pride just like I use to be - I would use ANYONE as an excuse to get MY drug nicotine telling MY lie to MYSELF - I need to smoke to breath -  NOT TODAY - I surrendered -  179,250 unsmoked cigarettes I have NOT smoked to MY Daddy God in praising and thanking Him for His grace and love and tender mercies NEW every morning to ME - I am so grateful for EVERY breath I take and for ALL of you teaching ME to breath dealing with MY daughters Father death on October 13 2020 - I thank God for all of you staying n.o.p.e members  - TODAY -  I just let GO and LET GO have all the jackass ignorant people who do NOT understand nicotine addiction to MY Daddy Gods care - TODAY - I live and let live as ALL the smokers left to smoke yesterday to smoke in between dealing with their emotions at Richards celebrating life and I just breathe in and out prayers for all nicotine drug addicts in MY Lord Jesus name amen

 

 

 

 

CHOICES - in MY TODAY as I breath in and out -  I choose to be loving and generous and give away all HELPFULNESS to the next suffering nicotine addict 

Outcomes