Blog Post created by indingrl on Nov 1, 2020

 2020 - AWE -  it is wonderful for ME to live in joy of NEVER taking that first puff over - MY OLD PAST life and Xhusbands - 3Xhusbands for ME - then MY Daddy God blessed ME with MY Wardeepooh 24 years December 27 1995 married in OUR Lord Jesus equally yoked amen - since Richards DEATH October 13 2020 at 1am -OLD crap has been present in MY day by day non smoker lifestyle - I came close to SUCKING ON DEATH AGAIN - I bit into a lemon peel amd all and blogged instead for ME not you - to save MY jackass and n.o.p.e. was reapeated over and over  - it took ME a little while to work out MY childhood rape in professional therapy in 1988 to October 1991 - please I am talking about ME not anyone else  - I was taught to take MY own sin inventory and to keep MY side of the street clean  - MY recovering friend Bill taught ME that there is good and bad in EACH human - what will MY choice be TODAY  - n.o.p.e. is MY sword of TODAY when OLD PAST MEMORIES HIT DEEP AND HARD - since October 13 - 2020 - alot of OLD PAST CRAP has HIT and I been biting into LEMONS and blog BEFORE I smoke over ME and OLD PAST MEMORIES - TODAY - I prayed for the for Xhusbands and ME to walk in forgiveness because MY Daddy God forgave ME and I choose of MY own free will to DO the same - EACH time they enter MY mind and lately in 2020 November this morning with Richards death who is -  MY 2nd Xhusband - MY OLD PAST has reared its ugly head back in time - it was 29 YEARS ago - MY 3rd Xhusband was found guilty of raping OUR daughters-  Richard and MY daughters - OUR children -  here's MY OLD MEMORY - 29 YEARS ago - I had just gotten out of professional therapy dealing with MY childhood rape - MY father raped ME at 6 yrs old until I left at age 16 yrs old and I was in a bible recovery survivos in 1991 - I had attened just a few mtgs on child rape group to learn to keep moving on in life NOT as a victim of MY childhood as a SURVIVOR - I was smoking like a chimmey and drank coffee ONLY in 1991 - I did NOT eat - I went from a size 20 to a size 5 - I had many eating disorders - I have overcome some of them - I am under MY Daddy Gods construction NOT people who judge and criticized ME -  ONLY by MY Daddy Gods grace I am 34 years in Alanon for peoples pleasing recovery and I am sober 33 years and NICOTINE FREE since January 6th 2011 - MY life style TODAY- continue MY OLD PAST memory  - this 3rd Xhusband and ME - no drugs and no alcohol - WE were both in 12step programs - HELPING others recover and BAM HELL ON EARTH CAME - I was a born again believer since November 6th 1986 - just stating the FACT - 1 Corinthians chapter 15 verses 1-4 is MY belief since 1986 - then MY OLD PAST of October 1991 -  I came home and open the door and the 6yr old ran from the love seat to the kitchen chair - the 3rd Xhusband got up from love seat and left - I thought I was having a flashback of MY childhood - so I asked MY little one 6yr old-  questions and reassured her she was NOT in trouble and I loved her and she told ME everything- then the 3rd Xhusband came BACK in and I said step outside I got to talk with you - WE stepped out in the hall and I knocked him down - 6ft man and over 250lbs and I got up close to his face and I said - your lucky I serve Jesus Christ and I am gonna put you away and then I went back in and he followed and asked us if he could walk with us to the bus stopped the girls said yes and on the way he said your mom is right arresting me for what i done to you and I am sorry and one of the girls hugged him and they got on school bus  - long story short - the 3rd X husband was sentenced to 15 YEARS for both children and got out for GOOD behavior 7 YEARS later -  MY 2nd Xhusband Richard - OUR daughter's FATHER  - who was recently RIPPED out of this life October 13 2020 died - HE stood by ME and was in court the day I took the stand for OUR daughters - as I told what OUR daughters told ME -  their Father jumped over the rail to kill the 3rd X husband and 3 police officer's held Richard back and they took him out of court room - Richard supported ME in putting MY 3rd X husband away in prison -and WE remained close friends shared all holidays TOGETHER - WE ARE FAMILY - Richard loved ME and MY 4th husband Ward - they were sports buddies - TODAY - at NOON to 4pm-  is closure for MY husband Ward and ME - WE fellowship and share about Richard well loved living life style - for living and loving as a wonderful Father and a wonderful PAPA and a loving believer of OUR Lord Jesus and a GOOD n.o.p.e family friend - fyi - Richard had 16 YEARS as a non smoker and had emphysema COPD - HE didnt use NICOTINE to cope with his emphysema OR the rape of his daughters 29 YEARS ago  - WE overcame as a FAITH FAMILY and just for TODAY and - ONLY - by MY Daddy Gods grace - n.o.p.e. is MY goal - thanks for letting ME share OLD PAST MEMORIES will COME sone days - I  CHOSE to bite into a lemon peel and all and the blog BEFORE you take that first puff over YOU