indingrl.01.06.2011

welcome december/2018

Blog Post created by indingrl.01.06.2011 on Dec 1, 2018

Please I am talking about me not anyone else......please take what HELPS and let go of the rest..to be HELPFUL is MY only aim......thank you.

I am so grateful and joy filled this is December - 2018.....I am so grateful and joy filled I have to live through this day ONLY.... I am so joy filled that we have HOT water....I am joy filled I was able to exercise...TODAY....I am joy filled I was a very good mom to MY daughter all this past week and I was staying grown up and spiritually mature as WE deal with OUR reality...... her cirrhosis of the liver....l prayed and asked God to teach ME to mind MY own business and enjoy OUR TIME TOGETHER.....we did and it was wonderful....each WE day lived in the PRESENT OF THAT DAY IN HIS LOVE.......NO MATTER WHAT....... by faith in Him in ME and I prayed and asked MY precious Holy Counselor..... to let Him continue to lead and teach ME...... to keep MY SIDE OF THE STREET CLEAN and to take MY OWN INVENTORY EACH DAY......to live in His Spiritual fruits...... as HE gave them to ME..to be really honest with MYSELF and  OBEY MY Holy Comforter...... to let MY daughter be herself....WE grew spiritually TOGETHER and SEPARATE...WE agreed to disagree at times on different subjects and WE agreed on some too...it was nice to be real with each other and to talk from our hearts.....EACH....living separate yet together....cirrhosis of the liver is a tough subject to discuss....YET IT IS POSSIBLE in MY Lord Jesus name and HIS faith in ME......I prayed and ask MY Holy Comforter to lead and speak through ME and to let His fruits grow MORE ABUNDENT IN ME as He chose to give them to ME in the moments of intense grieving in MY MOTHERS HEART......to just sit and cry and give up the old patterns and habits of playing God....Savior....and Holy Spirit junior......I SURRENDERED MY TRYING TO CONTROL AND FIX....I asked and prayed to be completely SURRENDERED TO TRUSTING GOD FOR HIS PLAN FOR OUR MOTHER AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP.....for ME to keep trusting and growing to remain OPEN MINDED WITH NO CRITICAL LISTENING whenever MY daughter spoke her.... OWN MIND...WILL AND HEART..... when she said.....I want to drink alcohol...go to work....and go to sleep and drink alcohol...work...sleep...ONLY BY GODS GRACE I KEPT MY BIG MOUTH SHUT and I ask MY Holy Spirit  to hold ME tight and comfort ME...HE did by reminding ME it is written....I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me......by reminding ME........ MY 33 year old daughter can live her OWN LIFE AS SHE CHOOSES....HER LIFE IS  NOT YOURS TO LIVE.....IT IS HERS!!!!  Some moments I was watching her sleep and the yellow skin SEEMED TO GLOW and MY MOTHER EYES filled with tears that burned MY face and HUMBLED MY PRIDE ......I had a lot of mixed emotions and thoughts that I had to sort through and some hard heart resentments and bitterness I confessed and I received Gods forgiveness with no false guilt or condemnation and I CHOSE to make a decision to suffer with her of MY OWN free will and her CHOICES which WE NOW BOTH.....suffer the consequences of HER CHOICE....I remain HOPEFUL and I am remember to ask MY Holy Comforter and Counselor to continue to teach ME to be PURELY MOTIVATED TO BE OF SERVICE TO MY DAUGHTER IN HIS FRUITS OF LOVE- JOY- PEACE- LONG SUFFERING- KINDNESS- GOODNESS-FAITHFULNESS- GENTLENESS AND SELF CONTROL which He gives to ME.....all in MY Lord Jesus name.....I pray and ask to be unafraid to tell her how I feel and what I think as her mom and she as my daughter who needs a NEW LIVER...and to continue to accept she doesn't want to get on that LIVER LIST .......the doctor told her to get on it and where the place was located.....NO ACTION ON MY DAUGHTER PART and I have shown respect and honor to MY daughter's wishes and to leave HER TO DECIDE FOR HERSELF.......IT IS HER LIFE!!!  I thank God for being able to be MYSELF and letting her be herself too.......it was good to communicate with NO FEARS ..... ..and I am joy filled to be forgiven by God and loved by Him to stay in..... ONE DAY-ONE BREATH- ONE MOMENT......LIVE AND LET LIVE.......LET GO AND LET GOD......to be able to kiss MY daughter on each of her cheeks and hug her as she goes off to work second shift and to trust MY Lord Jesus to take care of THEIR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP AND KEEP MY HANDS OFF and to enjoy when WE meet EACH DAY again and to let her sleep ......WE start out watching a movie together but she falls asleep most of the time....I believe the body HEALS ITSELP when you sleep.....I am joy filled to come to the library to use the FREE computers....to BLOG MY MOTHER HEART  EXPERIENCE WITH CIRROHSIS to all who live with family members who are ill  ...... TODAY the news is FYI.... my phone is shut off until further notice.... SO... I will not be on the site as much.....so to the library I come....NO WORRIES.....MY Lord Jesus is not using nicotine to COPE and neither am I......yahoooooooooo...NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER OVER ME AND KNOWING THAT..... THIS TOO SHALL PASS....we have our Lord Jesus and his love and tender mercies to be blessed with a roof over our heads and our health and food and water and heat..God willing the rent will be paid and a car with gas to come to the library to use their FREE computers to visit MY LOVING....UNDERSTANDING....RECOVERING FROM NICOTINE FAMILY....thanks for letting me share MY first day of December / 2018 with you all.

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