It came OUT of no where...OLD MEMORY OF THE LENGTHS I WENT TO USE NICOTINE....... this is just ONE OLD MEMORY......of the many times I tried to QUIT on MY own and I really meant it at that TIME and I failed over and over and over again....one morning I got up and made coffee and took MY pack of smokes and ran water in it.....then I got MY ash tray filled with cigarette butts and watered them down too and threw all of it in the garbage!!!! I DID IT!!! I QUIT!!!! Yeah for ME....I dumped the coffee grounds on top of all the cigaretts because I was serious!!! I QUIT!!! I really quit this time.....I drank coffee with TONS of sugar and creme with a DROP of coffee... and a couple hours passed...... I had the cleanest house in town and exercised and was so wound up on sugar and creme with MY drop of coffee drinking... I was CRAVING for MY drug of choice nicotine..... I dug threw the garbage..... got most of the cigarette butts OUT..... laid them CAREFULLY out on paper towels and blowed dried them with garbage and coffee grounds on them and SMOKE EACH AND EVERYONE!!!! Awe the OLD MEMORY that I knew I MUST BLOG and share what I USE TO BE LIKE..... for I was taught to put as much into MY recovery from nicotine and TODAY I go to ANY LENGTH to HELP the next suffering nicotine addict by sharing MY experience strength and hope to believe IF God can save ME..... God will do the same for you.....all you have to do is believe..... please take what helps and let go of the rest to be HELPFUL is MY only aim.... for ME.... talking about ME not anyone else....I had to admit to ME...deep down inside.... in MY mind ....MY will.....MY emotions....in MY SOUL.... admit to ME and to God and to ALL of you here.... what I USE to be like using nicotine.....OLD MEMORIES...I USE TO USE NICOTINE..... 50 death sticks I sucked on every day at the end of MY using nicotine....the TRUTH to MYSELF....that I am a nicotine addict in recovery... only by Gods grace and this is just ONE of the things I did to get MY drug nicotine! I did much more.... TODAY by Gods grace.. 7 YEARS LATER..I put as much or MORE into STAYING quit with ALL here and no matter..... for ME its NOT a popularity contest.... it is life or death for ME....I MUST choose for MYSELF each day that God blesses ME and gives ME to serve God....TODAY A NEW DAY or SELF...CHOICES..CHOICES..CHOICES. FREE WILL....the devil did NOT make ME use nicotine.... I CHOSE TO USE NICOTINE .... I MUST be TRUTHFUL with ME... not anyone else... no matter....what who where why when how or people place situation things circumstance or whatever.... I take the suggestions .... the TOUGH LOVE.... to STOP letting MY feelings run MY recovery life.... to GROW up.... to STOP being SELFISH.... to HELP another to believe.... to LOVE others above ME and blog BEFORE I take that first puff over ME in Jesus name amen so please read the Bible for YOURSELF... in the book of Romans chapter 10 verses 9-10 read it and just believe...Gods free gift of salvation... FAITH plus NOTHING! then you will see NOTHING is impossible for God in Jesus name amen HOORAY FOR JESUS!