When I first came here for support I stayed on this site and also at whyquit.com for the first 90 days.... I took all the SUGGESTIONS for I was as wiilling as the dying may be... I did ALL they said to do and I cried and prayed then I slept and then I couldnt sleep so I came in the wee hours of my restlessness and read blogs.... I wrote venting blogs complaining blogs and whining blogs ....I cried again because I missed my nicotine addiction... the with drawl of NOT using nicotine to cope breathe live was horrible yet familiar and comfortable sickness and the clumsiness NEW life was of trying to breathe trying to get up trying to exercise trying get moving without crying so I prayed to be of use to someone... I shared the desperateness of NEW yuckky feelings mixed with OLD whispers telling me to just use nicotine and drop dead...I cried through hot tears of anger.... hate... frustrations of NEW everything... i cried and prayed because I didn't want to use.... I didnt WANT NEW..... I just didn't know how to deal with ME or what to do with my hand to mouth fetish that I had done for 38 years using nicotine sucking on death sticks... coughing phelm and so I started to make quilt blankets and crochet blankets and fixed jigsaw puzzles and now tears of JOY because I prayed and God has kept me... hand to mouth is healthy food choices I exercise since August 2010 ....yes while using nicotine I exercised.... and still exercise now walking at home dvd... my tears of JOY are my gratitude prayers to God now for letting me live this long in his grace and tender mercies. These tears of JOY are in gratitude for ALL of you here that keep me focused on the suffering nicotine addict above myself... to think of others first... tears of JOY because of Gods love binds ME to think of ALL those here FIRST not self... tears pf JOY and remember to give away ALL the hope love and blogs that were given freely to me. Thank you ALL for staying quit no matter what TOGETHER in Jesus name amen please take what helps and let go of the rest to be helpful is my only aim.