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Give and get support around quitting

bonniebee
Member

Were you or are you a Serial Quitter ?

I just read Giulia's Giulia‌ great blog about serial quitters and I thought maybe we could go into more  depth individually  and find out what was or is  missing in our quits and especially for the new members who are still finding it difficult to maintain a quit for very long .

I will go first and say I found negative thinking to be a big problem for me I thought I was to weak willed, to addicted, unable to discipline myself for any real length of time I was even afraid of the withdrawal symptoms etc .! I did not realize fully how powerful negative thinking was it had the power to make me fail  and I did numerous times ! There is power in our words and our thoughts I had the God given power within me to turn those words around in doing so My Quit became so much easier !

 

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33 Replies
Jennifer-Quit
Member

I did not quit on my first try.  I had many half-hearted attempts.  But after finding this site, I realized that I could never be a happy smoker again.  The fear of having to confess to this community that I had failed was one reason that I kept moving forward and stacking my days one day at a time.

What I see with some serial quitters, is the lack of remorse for their actions.  Some have relapsed so many times that it really does not seem to matter anymore.  That is when, in my opinion, a little tough love advise is needed to snap them back to reality.  The reality being that this is "life and death".  Not only life - but quality of life. 

I was personally attacked verbally by someone who had relapsed because I stated that I believed that she had learned from her slip.  I was about 80 days free at that time and came close to losing my quit over her harsh words directed at me personally.  I am very much anti-bullying and very disappointed to see grown people verbally attacking others who are only trying to help the best way they know how. 

YoungAtHeart
Member

I quit on my first and only attempt - but it's nothing of which to be proud!  I had convinced myself that I was not strong enough, that it would be too difficult, that there was no way I would be successful - so why try?     It is the addiction's lies, of course.  It took a vascular surgeon and the possibility of losing a limb sometime in my future to overcome that fear.

Looking back, I can't BELIEVE I was that person.  I know I can do anything I set my mind to do in all other aspects of my life....heck, I cleared 1/4 acre of underbrush and small trees with nothing but a shovel and hand tiller (in case you don't know, locust trees put out horizontal roots that produce a line of trees even after you have completely dug out the parent  ----- so you have to dig ALL the roots out to get rid of them once and for all).  I raised two girls to be educated, independent women all by myself with no help from anyone. 

And NOW?  I quit smoking - so I now believe I CAN do anything!

Nancy

I wanted it both ways - hold onto my addiction but be quit as far s my family thought! Like they weren't smart enough to see that I was deceiving them! And myself! I quit so many times I put Mark Twain to shame! I stopped serial quitting when I stopped bargaining with my addiction.

MePlus3
Member

I think mine is a combination of lack of remorse in that moment and right before, I feel terrible after the fact. Allowing negative talk to rule my mind. I felt like I couldn't overcome this like I will always need my "calmer" especially when im upset how sick huh? I even considered only smoking when im angry or upset. Who was I fooling? Myself! Thats how it all began I started off as a angry smoker then all the other routines fell into place before I knew it I was full time. Im still self searching and trying to find and solve all the things thats holding me back.

Jennifer-Quit
Member

Once I decided to smoke only when I drank.  I started drinking more -- lol.  If you smoke only when you are angry - will you look for things to be angry about?  I am not making fun of your situation in any way - The addictive brain tries to make these ridiculous deals all the time.  We have all been there.  I believe in you Kimberly!

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MePlus3
Member

It actually worked like that for me for many years I didnt look for reasons to be angry just when I was I did. I started off smoking black and milds and one would last me really long time because I only ran to it for comfort then I had a friend girl that smoked cigs husband made me mad and I bummed my first cig from her it tasted much stronger than what I was used to and I liked it at that point I became a closet smoker my husband didnt know but I would get them from her and buy them for her to repay her that went on for a while until one day I came out he had made me sooo upset I told him to buy me a pack he was shocked and that made the fight worse I threw a FIT until he bought em and at that point I knew I had a problem long as I had them I didnt care what went on around me like Linus and his blanket  (charlie brown) I would "quit" long as my husband and I were on good terms but soon as an argument came it was time to light up. I think I really lost my grip to this addiction when he passed thats when the routine came in after I eat, when i wake up, bathroom breaks, before bed, and every single time he crossed my mind! Talking about it now open up my eyes to whats really going on with me. I dont want to feel anymore! I used them as a distraction a temporary way of numbing myself. So how do I conquer that?....i'll be thinking on it!

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bonniebee
Member

I know what you mean when you said "every time he crossed my mind " and not wanting to feel anything anymore .I went through that and  I used cigarettes to numb my pain when I thought about my son who had died   but guess what it really did not numb my pain   I just hoped it would and maybe it helped me somewhat but when you numb your  sad or angry feelings you also numb all of your feelings and that means the good feelings like love happiness joy  all the feelings that makes one feel  alive  . I found I was like a dead person but still feeling pain anyway  and smoking like a chimney thinking the cigarettes were my friend . Grief is a hard one Kimberly but smoking really will not stop the pain the best way for grief is to realize it is a journey never ending sometimes but changing as time goes by . I found the more I paid attention to my living children the more alive I felt and then I could feel sadness and Joy and all the feelings that make one alive and when you quit the smoking you can laugh you can cry you can be more fully human . I hope I am making some sense to you  Kimberly Everyone's grief process is different even grief for different people that you love is not the same .

I want youquit smoking 3.jpg to succeed and enjoy being truly free ! 

MePlus3
Member

Yes Bonnie I understand what you're saying! I went through a period where even "good feelings" didn't matter anymore I didn't want to feel anything. I've been through so much at such a young age even before the loss of my husband. This isn't a "woe to me" moment but that's why I gave up on feelings period. However, there was this little glimpse of hope that I could never forget and that's my Savior. That is why I'm here today. Notice what I've said, I BEEN THROUGH...Meaning I got through it with His help! there's a future for me if I allow it! That is why I won't quit quitting! I won't stop until it sticks no matter what it takes. Yes each journey is different and I understand that mine take more work than others because I'm still feeling and healing from some things but because of the love of God I won't give up. I'm here to claim my freedom even on day 1 not only freedom from nicotine but freedom from the pains of the past. Thanks for listening! this discussion is going to be my breakthrough!

bonniebee
Member

Hopefully reading blogs and comments on this discussion will help you see what is missing I think you have to realize that for awhile you will not have your 'calmer'  but  as you go through angry periods you will learn new ways of managing your anger and you will not SINAO . 

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