I am not sure if I have said this before, but Thank you all so much. It is so nice talking to people who understand what I am going through.
Barb, yes I just last week was given a Provisional Acceptance of Social Security. She said what that means is for 6 months I have approval and benefits from them. She said once the provisional acceptance is given she has never seen it revoked. She said she was very surprised to see it come so soon, that usually an acceptance takes anywhere from 3 months to a year. I am not complaining.
Monday (tomorrow) I am going down to apply for medicaid/medicare and state health assistance. I am not sure which ones do what??? But she said they would help me get the best benefits available to me.
I know this is most likely depression and it would be understandable. About 8 years ago after my 2nd back sugery and spinal cord implant the doctors put me on Paxil for depression. I swear that was the worse stuff ever! I was one of those who in my whole life never ever thought of sucicide until I got on that medication. I quit taking it and never took anymore. So, I am kind of afraid to take anything for it. I keep thinking that I should be able to handle this and realize that it's ok to be mad at the disease just not myself and everyone around me.
Spunkie, After I get the medical coverage then I need to talk to my doctor again. I kind of put him off and told him I wanted to wait for anything until I could get coverage. He talked about LVRS, but if I understood him correctly it would be down the road a bit. He did want to have me tested for oxygen something. A sleep test I think.
And, he wanted to do a stress test to check my heart rate. Those I will be able to do once I have insurance of some kind. As for steriods I am staying away from them until there is no other choice. I think my medication may have some in them. But, I have had prednisone before for my back injury and I hated it!
Sylvia, I am so sorry to hear about your breathing getting worse. I admired you so much for excercising as consistantly as you were and for taking such good care of yourself. This disease just is terrible! I hate seeing what it does to people. Yes, it does progress unfortunatley. Sooner or later it will catch up with us all. We just have to be strong.
If you ever want to lean on someone Sylvia come grab me. I am not always "visable" but usually not far from this site. For some reason, even on my worse days this place makes me feel connected to those who understand me and don't think I am crazy for what I am feeling.
I went last Friday to Curves. I had been walking but with the smoke in the air and the cold weather sinking in I thought this would be a great thing for me to do. So I went to pay my membership fees and get started.
During the application process I had to tell them I had severe emphysema/copd and back problems. After the forms were filled out and my money was taken the manager took me from machine to machine to show me how they all worked. For those of you not familiar with Curves there are 9 stations (or machines) with resting between each one. You work on each one 3 minutes then rest then move to the next one. The more advanced people during the "resting" stations will jog in place.
On the 5th station or machine they have a stair stepper with a heart rate thingy on the handle bars that tells you how effective your working.
The poor manager puts me on the machine and waits for the monitor to come on. (I forgot to mention there was a nurse working out right behind me) The monitor blinks 152 and she yells STOP to me then asks the nurse named Mary to take my pulse, that this must be wrong) Mary takes my pulse and it's 147.
I had now become a spectacle. I tell the manager that I had been pretty much immoble for the last 8 or 9 years due to back problems and breathing problems. That I am sure some of this was due to my emphysema and also being out of shape.
Anyway to make a long story short she suggested after giving back my money that I just use a guest pass for a week and see how I did.
I am determined to show them I am not a quitter, and that I can get better. Before I left I made sure to tell Mary thank you and to apologize for interupting her workout. Then I asked the Curves manager if having me there would make her or her staff uncomfortable, she answered no. But I honestly think I worried her to death.
I never thought of myself as so much different than anyone else. Yes, I have gained weight but not so very much. I am 5'4" and weigh 198. After I left there I felt like those people who you see being hauled out of their houses with cranes.
I am sure I am imagining some of this, but go figure.... I would be the one to join a gym and have a nurse following me around. LOL
So, I will let you know how the new work out goes. I am so afraid that I will go in and have a room full of people staring at me waiting for me to drop out. Slow and steady wins the race.
I have to do something to releive this pressure and burning in my abdomen and chest. And, it would be great to be able to buy new bra's before I start popping outta the ones I have.
I thank you all so much. It really does help to just come here and get these feelings off my chest. I try and talk to my family about it but I just don't think they get it. Or maybe they do and I am not giving them the benefit of the doubt. I just think sometimes that if I had a broken arm instead of some invisable disease they would get the fact I hurt and am worried.