tamlynn

Just Joined EX

Discussion created by tamlynn on Jul 16, 2008
Latest reply on Aug 5, 2008 by darcie2
Hi. I'm Tamlynn and I just joined EX tonight. It's time. Quitting has been on my heart and mind for years, but since November I have been steadily working toward seriously psyching myself to do it.

I'm a mom of 3 kids, and swore that each time I got pregnant that was it. Needless to say, my oldest is going into high school this Fall and I'm still smoking. I've stopped and started more than I can count. I now realize that sometimes I tried to quit because of pressure from others and not because I wanted to and that's why I failed.

Now, though, it's for me. But I need help.

I have talked to my husband and doctor about this, but I don't feel like I can go to the rest of my family and friends. My Best Friend (23+ years) once told me that she KNEW I'd never really quit, that her husband who smokes more and longer than I have would quit first and last. That hurt a lot. I just don't think I could trust her with this at this stage of the game because I just keep hearing her say that and every time I'd talk to her, I would remember that. And my family, well let's just say any time I've tried to involve them in my quitting programs they became so enthusiastic in their support that it made me tense enough to run right back to it. I don't want this to happen again.

So, I need help from strangers at this point. People who have been there or are there and understand. People who know that encouragement is important, but constantly asking me how many cigs I've smoked today is not. (Does that makes sense?)

I already know my triggers. As I said, I talked to my Doc. In November I began to quit, using the same methods discussed here (learning to relive life without cigs, increasing time between, etc) and I went from 25+ cigs a day to less than 10. I was on my way. Then in January I went in for emergency surgery to remove gall bladder. I didn't smoke the entire four days I was in the hospital, didn't crave it. But not five minutes after we left I made him pull into a gas station and buy me a lighter and cigs. I barely smoked the following days, but once the pain receded and I was well enough to be awake most of the days, I worked back up to 25+ a day because I was bored.

I know some of mine is a mindset (and also addiction). If I'm in a place where I know smoking is not allowed, I do not even think about it. I have gone hours, and sometimes DAYS without smoking, without craving it (conferences, hospitals, etc.) but the moment I am away from that setting I get the worst craving ever. And of course, as soon as I took that first drag I'd start beating myself up because I'd been smoke-free for days and here I was doing it again.

As mentioned above, my doc and I talked about this in November -- she really wants me to try this without medication, and we would evaluate. As long as it was bearable, we would continue to monitor it and see where I go. I stocked up on fresh fruits and veggies and exercised and kept busy--it worked (until the surgery). So for the moment, we are going at this without medications.

Anyway, that's where I am. I want a clean body, clean mind and a clean house for me and my precious family.

I need your encouragement and support. Just knowing I'm not alone is a big relief.

I've set a target date of Aug 17th to quit. It's a special day to me so it would mean a lot. That gives me one month to relearn again.

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