Today was/is supposed to be my day

Discussion created by hesmysonshine on May 1, 2008
Took my first pill of chantix this morning and so far I don't feel ill or anything. I smoked a total of 2 cigarettes this morning 1 1/2 while getting ready for work and another 1/2 when I got to work about 8:15 a.m. I haven't had one since which is pretty amazing considering I would have gone down again between 9:30 - 10:00 a.m. Then again at 11:30 a.m. I've managed to just keep myself busy when the urge hit. Problem is that I go to lunch in 30 minutes and damn if my body doesn't know this. I've been hit with really strong cravings the past couple minutes and I'm finding myself really fidgeting and hard to concentrate on anything else. I know I can smoke on Chantix for the first week but I really want to cut back on that and maybe not do it at all if possible. I don't want it to give me license to continue smoking for the next week as I normally do. I'm just yammering away here and feel like I'm not making sense.

I feel sad. Honestly I feel really sad and nothing like I thought I would feel today when this day finally arrived. I thought I would be happy and strong yet I feel quite the opposite. I feel sad and the urge to cry is ever present. I've shed a couple tears from songs that come on the radio and from one story I read on here. I don't want to confuse my sadness for depression because its not depression. I just feel a saddness like I've lost a friend that I have for many, many years and that comforted me through all the difficult times. Oh gosh here I go again. lol I know for my own good I've got to let this friend go but its hard. I'm sure a lot of you can relate to what I'm saying.

Thanks for letting me vent and for your support. My best to you all.