Everything is a trigger

Discussion created by debbie17 on Aug 30, 2008
Latest reply on Aug 30, 2008 by SaraSmile

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Hi, my name is Debbie and I just joined. I am not so sure if the little trigger calendar will work for me because I have been smoking so long, everything is a trigger. I have tried to quit so many times, I can't count. I do know every time I have relapsed, it had to do with stress. I am a single Mom and have a lot of stress in my life. But I have felt my health slowly declining in the last couple of years and it really scares me. I have not quit again yet, but am trying to make another plan to quit. Slowing down doesn't work, if they are there, I smoke them. Cold turkey is very hard, but it is the only way for me I think. Any advice? Thanks

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13 Replies

SaraSmile Aug 30, 2008 7:28 AM

Work the EX plan @ BecomeAnEX.org. They walk you through every step of the way! I smoked for 30+ years, this is only the 2nd time I've ever even tried to quit.....that was 39 days ago!! I'm taking Chantix, it's really worked for me. This community has been the BIGGEST part of my success! The people I've met here, total strangers mind you, stepped right up to help me! Their strength, suggestions, kicks in the butt, when needed is just what "I" needed.
You've come to the right place Debbie. No one can tell you what to do but they can tell you how it was for them when they went through it! It helps knowing you're not alone, we're all in this TOGETHER!
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debbie17 Aug 30, 2008 7:57 AM
Thanks for the advice! I wish I could afford Chantix, but even if I quit now, it would not be enough to get that I don't think. I'll go ahead and follow the full plan here. It can't hurt anything, that is for sure!
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SaraSmile Aug 30, 2008 9:06 AM
That a girl!
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deborah21 Aug 31, 2008 2:30 PM
Hi Debbie,
I'm Deborah and know exactly what your'e talking about. I too am a single mother and on my second week of no smoking. I tell ya, those first couple of days everything that could go wrong certainly did. And then one very stressful evening after a hard day at work I thought to myself I need a cigarette but my very next thought was....oh no, smoking is not an option and I keep telling myself this...NOT an option. Keep the reason you are quitting in the front of your mind and make this your focus. You can do it......You WILL do it! We're here for you.
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Giulia Aug 31, 2008 6:42 PM
Hi there Debbie and welcome to the craziest fun quitting maddening place on the web.

I'm a cold turkey quitter m'self. You do what works for YOU, period. And you experiment with anything and everything along the way. Breathing was a trigger for me. Life was a trigger. Living was a trigger. There were no specific triggers, I just smoked all the time. I smoked to take a break, I smoked with my coffee, with my booze, on the phone, on the computer, after all meals, when I was angry, sad, happy - you name it, I smoked. I didn't want to give it up when I did. It was simply my husband's constant nagging that got me to where I am now, 2 1/2 years quit as of today.

There are several major factors that have kept me smoke free. One) I NEVER WANT TO GO THROUGH THE BEGINNING QUITTING PROCESS AGAIN AS LONG AS I LIVE. It's the pits. You dread it going into it and it's almost as bad as the imaginary dreading of it. But the fear of quitting is definitely worse than the event itself. Two) I've wised up. I now really believe what they say about the bad effects of smoking. I, fortunately, have experienced very few myself, but there ain't a doubt in my mind that it'll kill you in a very slow way. Something changed in my head and enabled me to really GET IT, before I got some major disease from it. Three) I could not do this without a support group. It is people like you who are new that I can maybe help, and people who have years of quit time behind them that set examples, and people who have years of quit time behind them who've blown it that teach me how fragile our quits are.....these are the things that keep me smoke free.

Our lives are filled with stress. It's just the way it is. On a daily basis. Smoking is not the cure-all for it. You know that. There are a lot of other methods much more beneficial for dealing with stress. Now's the time to discover them. From meditation to self hypnosis, to deep breathing, to Greek worry beads to prayer to....let your imagination soar and discover the methods that work for you.

We all want you to be free.

Giulia
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Giulia Oct 2, 2008 6:20 AM
Hey Foxy, I just added a post to a blog on my page (Wise Words) at the end that addresses the fear of quitting. Might help you.
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sherry7 Oct 2, 2008 6:39 AM
yeah i wished i could afford the medicine they have out there bcause i would try it .
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sherry7 Oct 2, 2008 6:40 AM
yeh it seemed like as soon as i set my quit date things started fallen on me all at once ,help!
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sherry7 Oct 2, 2008 6:42 AM
yeah thats me i smoke all the time xcept when im sleeping.
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ski-fox Oct 2, 2008 8:40 AM
Thank you for everything you wrote! I felt like YEAH - SOMEBODY ACTUALLY GETS IT!. Everything is a trigger for me and I am sooo afraid to tey to quit but all the stuff you said made me feel like - MAYBE I CAN DO IT. Thank you so much!
Ski
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ski-fox Oct 2, 2008 4:42 PM
Thanks for the encouragement
Ski
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mozee Nov 22, 2008 2:41 PM
I was well on my way to becoming a non-smoker when things just started happening to me. This election year was stressful for everyone, and I'm a little worried about the new President having to go outside the White House, walk the obligatory 100 feet from the entrance and sneak his smoke. Anyway, first, my husband and I realized after an incident that we would have to change churches (long story), and then I found out my son is divorcing his beautiful sweet wife. Then I found out my cousin's sons are having BIG problems with drugs and sex. I also want to move back to my home state and my husband doesn't want to. One of my grandsons stole his dad's car, and has been kicked out of the house. The day the incident happened at church, I had been 7 days without one cigarette, and 7 days before that. But I came home and grabbed a cigarette because I was so hurt and angry.

It was actually easier to quit when I had the flu in September. I just slapped on a patch so I wouldn't get out of bed and smoke anyway. I was doing so well, and then my life went to hell. I don't know how to get beyond this, because I feel so bad about all this stuff that's been happening. I'd like to get back on track, but don't know how. I don't have much luck setting quit dates. Maybe, I just don't want to quit enough.
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Giulia Nov 22, 2009 1:51 PM
(NOTE: THE REST OF THE DIALOGUE FOR THIS DISCUSSION IS AS FOLLOWS:)

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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on November 22, 2008 at 9:02pm

    Mozee, I guess the only question I can ask you is...did smoking solve any one of these myriad problems for you? Did the cigarette ease your hurt and anger? And if it did, was it only temporary? Aren't you still hurt and angry? My guess is it didn't change a darn thing about the events. But because you were in pain, the cigarette dulled it a bit, gave you a bit of relief/satisfaction for a moment.

    Smoking (drugs) are not the answer to solving our emotional problems. We have to learn a new way to deal with them. I keep reiterating this, but it's so true to me: before we ever smoked (at whatever age we began), we had no need for the drugs in cigarettes to enable us to deal with life's hurts. Whether it be on the playground or with best friends who let us down when we were six years old. If we could get through life then without one, we can get through life now without one.

    I will say this in response to your last sentence: yes, you do have to want to quit more than you want to smoke. It has to become the priority in your life. Otherwise every incident that upsets us becomes an excuse as to why we had to smoke.

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Mozee Permalink Reply by Mozee on November 23, 2008 at 5:24am

    The answer is, of course, no. Cigarettes didn't solve one single thing. However, that is rational thinking. When I came home from church, I was emotional. The first cigarette dulled the anger, and I felt justified, no matter how mistaken I was, to have all the cigarettes I wanted. I couldn't tell off the person who was really rude at church, so I came home and smoked instead. Looking back, it would have been smarter to tell her what I thought of her and not smoke. Now, I'm getting to the point cigarettes don't feel good anymore, so I'm back. I won't say Become An Ex is the entire answer. But it is support we all need very much.

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Melissa Permalink Reply by Melissa on September 12, 2008 at 10:41am

    DEar Debbie, I"m definitely no expert on quitting smoking, but I sure know everything about smoking! I know that I have a twisted belief that no matter what the problem that if I just smoke a cigarette that it will be better. But we both know that isn"t so. As a matter of fact it"s exactly the opposite. I have found that the more I think about smoking or should I say when I think about not smoking that"s when I smoke more. It might sound to simple but try not to dwell on the when, where ,and the why"s of the next cigarette.I realize that we have to believe that we have more control over that stupid cigarette than it has over us. And we do!!!! So Please Don"t Give Up!!! God is on our side and we can beat this.

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Darla Permalink Reply by Darla on September 15, 2008 at 8:05pm

    Hi Debbie, I'm Darla. Today is my first time on EX. I've been trying to figure out my triggers and realized, that like you, everything is a trigger. I smoke for many reasons, and I smoke alot. Today was my QUIT DAY and I found a pack of cigs ---- I've smoked most of them already. On my stinkin' QUIT DAY ! Can't figure out why, but it feels like I'm sabotaging myself or something along that line. And I'm so pissed at myself, but still, I'll finish that pack tonight. Then tomorrow, commitment to cold turkey. My health is definitly starting to be affected and I can'tdo that to my kids, let alone to myself. That's my biggest motivation. And cold turkey is the only way.

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Ski Fox Permalink Reply by Ski Fox on October 2, 2008 at 12:34am

    I admire you for continuing to try - and your right - EVERYTHING is a trigger!!! I haven't even tried to quit yet . Just thinking about quiting is a trigger! I've been smoking since I was 12 and I am now 53 - I can't even IMAGINE life wihout smoking but I know I have to quit sometime and now seems as good a time as any.. I can't even pick a quit date. I still have 7 packs of cigs ledt in the carton plus the one I just opened and am considering quitting when the carton is gone. I'm considering trying the patches and the gum. I figure what I spent on buying the carton I'll spend on the patches and gum instead. Wish me luck.
    Ski

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Mozee Permalink Reply by Mozee on November 23, 2008 at 5:37am

    Ski Fox, you sound like me! I hate the gum because it sticks to dental work. Wouldn't you think the companies who make gum—any kind of gum—would make it so it doesn't adhere to braces, bridges, etc.? I didn't start smoking until after I was married at age 19. Now I am 62. I guess I thought smoking (back then) would get me through long boring days and make me feel more sophisticated.

    I have learned that before I quit there is some work I can do while I am still smoking. I figure out how long it normally is between cigarettes. So then I make a schedule, using that time span and smoking when ever the, say, 15 minutes is up. If it's 5 minutes for you, start there. Then each day after that, add a bit more time between cigarettes. When you are down to smoking only 1—5 cigarettes a day, you're ready to quit. Set your quit date then. When you use the scheduling thing, you're bypassing all the triggers. You can say to yourself, "It's not time for my next cigarette yet." Or you can say, "I am supposed to smoke now." And you smoke. Not to worry, not to worry. The next day, you won't smoke as many cigarettes as you did the day before.

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tempest Permalink Reply by tempest on October 3, 2008 at 7:47am

    Debbie...if you don't have insurance and you want Chantix, do here:

    http://www.pfizerhelpfulanswers.com/pages/programs/ProgramDetails.a...

    this is a patient assistance program to get FREE chantix!!!! go and go now! There are some requiremnts such as low income, no insurance, so on but you may fit the bill and get it for free!

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hwc Permalink Reply by hwc on October 17, 2008 at 5:13pm

    The reason everything is a trigger is that smoking only does one thing:

    Reliieves the withdrawal symptoms when the nicotine from the last one wears off.

    Thus, everything we do between finishing one cigarette and starting the next one can become a trigger. The worst triggers are assoicated with the worst withdrawals. The morning cigarette after a night without our drug. The cigarette after an hour long meal without our drug. The cigarette after a two hour movie without our drug. The cigarette after a three hour meeting without our drug.

    Think about it:

    The only reason we smoke is to stop the craving brought on by smoking the previous cigarette.

    Crazy, huh? And, we are supposed to feel bad about "giving that up"?

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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on October 17, 2008 at 5:20pm

    Great response HWC!

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hwc Permalink Reply by hwc on October 17, 2008 at 9:23pm

    Just preachin' the gospel according to Joel Spitzer and Alan Carr.

    When you really break it down into exactly what smoking does for you, it's almost impossible to keep smoking. What do I have to do to quit? Put up with a temporary withdrawal that may not even be that bad now that I understand the trap I'm walking away from? OK. I can put up with that. It's worth it. Bring it on.

    I spend most of my quit mouthin' off at the craves. "Is that all you got? You're gonna have to bring it better than that, because I ain't smokin." Throw in a broken salad spinner and a few apologies to my wife (hey, nobody's perfect!) and that was that.

Kerry Permalink Reply by Kerry on December 6, 2008 at 7:11pm

    I feel the same way. Keep trying!
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