Triggers and husbands and quitting, oh my!!!!

[zoe-stardust]

I have been a smoker for 17 years, I started when I was 13. I have tried to quit several times and only successfully quit when I was pregnant with my son. During my whole pregnancy, I couldn't wait to have that first puff... and I did, the second I was discharged from the hospital. I never smoke in the house or around my son, which I thought would aid me in cutting down... it hasn't... I've just gotten a lot tanner.

This is my first week, again. I really wanted to try Chantix this time, but unfortunately, my insurance company doesn't cover ANY quit plan (meds, patch, counseling), unless it is a medical necessity... I know, I know, even the insurance rep on the phone laughed. So, it looks as though I will be going it alone... well, hopefully with some help from this forum.

I have been trying to find the reason why I have always failed when trying to quit. I am beginning to see a pattern, a definite trigger for me and why I always go back to smoking. Finally, now I can take care of this nuisance that keeps triggering me to smoke, oh wait... it's my husband. As of lately, he has attempted to quit smoking as well and it's usually me who gives in before he does. I'm pretty sure I am a trigger for him as well. Smoking is one of my favorite things to do with him, it feels like a break, a pause button for my life. We smoke together before he leaves for work, when he gets home from work, with our morning coffee and after our nighttime, um, snuggle. It's the only time I feel relaxed. Now every time I see my husband, I feel anxious and angry. We have been fighting every time we see each other. I don't know what to do... quitting isn't worth ruining my marriage over, I know it sounds dramatic, but this happens every time, that it is really starting to worry me (plus it seems to get worse with every attempt). I really want to quit smoking, but I am scared that I will smoke again with all the stress of fighting.

[dawn8]

I used to have the same problem and excuse ("quitting isn't worth ruining my relationship"). Now, I'm quitting alone. We had some terrible fights when we quit together, but it hasn't been so bad this time. I want to pick and fight about every little thing she does, but I just walk away--not easy. But, now I look at it like this "this petty fight is not worth smoking". Plus, ignoring the pettiness allows us both to cool down and i don't have that extra burden on my relationship. Think of quitting as positive. No matter what happens, just look for the positive. If he yells about something, don't yell back. Think about how much patience you'll have for him when you're a non-smoker! 🙂 It's tough and I wish you the best. You can do it!!!!!!!!!!

[michelle17]

You have to use ine day/minute.. Yea, all that. Just take everything one at a time. You will also feel everything and everything comming down on you... Really fast. Just sit back and not think about it.
Drink a lot of water.... The more the marrier. And find something to do.

[yvette5]

Hi there. I like that "Triggers and husbands and quitting, oh my!!". Too cute. I totally understand. My husband and I are smokers...heavy smokers. I've set my quit day for Sept. 13th. I told him about it and he is encouraging. The drawback is that he hasn't mentioned quitting. This has happened before. I didn't smoke all day and did fine until I saw him outside having a cigarette, he came in, I smelled it and was a goner. Had to have one. We also have made an attempt to quit together...IT IS SO HARD! I was so b****y! I get the feeling that I'm going to need a lot more strength than I have now to prepare me for my quit day. There are many like us out there and MANY HAVE QUIT! We can do this. Best wishes, Yvette

[michelle17]

Well at this point I just wish the other halfwas more supportive. I get the feeling that will never happen.

[andrea30]

I'm learning that it's all about mind set. If you can get the thought in your head that you will never pick up another cigarette, not for just one more puff or anything, that it can help. I'm quitting as well and my husband is not. The thing about fighting is that a lot of times we want to pick a fight just so we can create an excuse to start smoking again. Think about the fights you are having a look at if they were fights you would have if you were still smoking. If they are fights that would have happened anyways than quitting smoking is not making things worse. If they are just stupid fights that are created by your urge to smoke, than find some other outlet. I know you can do it. Maybe you two can schedule those times that you would normally have smoked together, but just sit and talk without the cigarette. If that time was important to you than keep that together time, just do it without the cigarette.

Good Luck, I know both of you can do it.

[Rena0714]

I have quit twice before for 5 years each. This time I've quit,  so far little over a year and 4 months. There don't seem to be any significant triggers for me. My husband still smokes but very little and not in the house. The smell on other people, all though I smell it, it doesn't bother me. I don't even mind if others smoke around me. Doesn't tempt me in the least bit. There are cigarettes stored in our house and I never touch them. I even empty ash trays. BUT! I suffer from anxiety and depression terribly. Somedays the smallest thing can set me off.  This is what I find to be the worst thing of all. I don't want a cigarette but I wonder if having one would make this feeling go away. It makes me wonder if my smoking, although not entirely, also became a habit to relieve stress and to relax. 

[CommunityAdmin]

Rena0714‌

Congrats on your quit! What was your quit date? 

I'm sure others have wondered the same but definitely don't act on that wonder and take a single puff.  You've WON day One and you don't want to start over! Thanks for sharing your experience with us!

Mark
EX Community Manager

[elvan]

Rena0714‌ Please don't credit smoking with anything...it actually increases stress and anxiety and it also contributes to depression.  I think you are amazing having cigarettes around the house and emptying ashtrays, I am glad your husband does not smoke inside.  I know you are seeing more than one doctor, I am very hopeful that you will get answers for some of the symptoms you are experiencing, smoking does not do anything FOR us but it does a lot TO us.  Hold onto your quit with both hands and remember that it is dependent upon you...addiction is a horrible thing and you have such a beautiful recovery going on.  Stick with it, stay close to the site.

Ellen

[sweetplt]

Hi and Welcome to the Quit Journey. I hope you worked the Ex help site.  It has lots of good information and asks you many questions.  I don’t know how it feels to quit with a spouse, my hubs never smoked,  However, my husband hated smoking hated smoking and some of our fights were due to the addiction.  For me it not only had to be my decision to quit, but much in my life had to change.  We both had to accept these things together.  Perhaps if you and he can sit down and make new plans together that don’t include smoking.  Ie., after work take a walk in stead of smoking , etc., 

The biggest thing I have found is doing new things but finding happiness in doing them.  Keep close to here & know that together you can do this Quit.  Gotcha in my thoughts ... Colleen aka sweetp