I have an 18 month old and I smoked the entire pregnancy, told everyone I quit, but didn't, begged God to make me stop, but nothing, though I greatly reduced the amount I smoke. My doctor knew I smoked, my doula knew I smoked, but no one else knew. I hide it well. This is really a discussion for your doctor, but i found different doctors believe different things. My doctor said no more than five a day, but there was no real evidence on smoking while pregnant. Many opf the reports I biased. Bu I was severly depressed when I became pregnant, and I became homeless while pregnant...a lot of bad stuff, but I made it through and you will too, don't beat yourself up. You're already proving what a good mom you are because you are here and looking for help.