On day 100 and freaking out

Discussion created by amy8 on Apr 30, 2008
Latest reply on Apr 30, 2008 by jenn14
I have been freaking out for the past 4 days and if I hadn't been so close to day 100 I would have gone out and bought a pack. I have gained 35 pounds, I have gain mucle cramps from the weight.
I have to say I am miserable right now with my daughter. She goes away for the summer and I am a mess. I am always a mess around this time when I realize she is leaving in less than 2 months and I turn into a complete witch. I feel so bad. I dont' want to be this way before she leaves. I don't want her to go the whole summer thinking my mom is NUTS, and that she doesn't want to go back. My ex is insane and he would jump all over the me if she said she didn't want to come home. Not that I am letting things slide but I am FLIPPING out over stupid things. I am a quiet mom and don't yell. I have been so bad lately my daughter canceled her myspace account because she got a C and I walked away, she figured it was so bad I wouldn't even address it. This is the worse grade she has ever got and I don't reassure her, I walk away and act like a child. I feel like I am out of my mind.

Am I copping out by saying well I will start again and just quit again in September when she returns? I know I know I am being an idiot. I shouldn't start again after 100 days of being a non smoker. But what I would have saved on cigs I have spent on food and clothes. I don't know what to do anymore. I am losing my mind. I want to smoke but i know I shouldn't, I feel bad for all those people who are reading this thinking WOW 100 days and she wants a butt when do the cravings end? REALLY WHEN DO THEY END??!!???
I don't think I am a stupid woman and I know I am typing this hoping for the one person to say do it. I went through this two years ago when I quit and did the same thing. Depression hits me when she is going to leave and I feel like something has to give and i dont' want it to be me. I have to quit I know that. I just think at the beginning of the school year would be better because she will be with me for almost a year before she goes again and then I should be done with the weight gain and loss. I want to cry and I do every night. Something going to give and I think this time it is going to be ME!!!!!! HELP!!!!!