On day 100 and freaking out

[amy8]

I have been freaking out for the past 4 days and if I hadn't been so close to day 100 I would have gone out and bought a pack. I have gained 35 pounds, I have gain mucle cramps from the weight.
I have to say I am miserable right now with my daughter. She goes away for the summer and I am a mess. I am always a mess around this time when I realize she is leaving in less than 2 months and I turn into a complete witch. I feel so bad. I dont' want to be this way before she leaves. I don't want her to go the whole summer thinking my mom is NUTS, and that she doesn't want to go back. My ex is insane and he would jump all over the me if she said she didn't want to come home. Not that I am letting things slide but I am FLIPPING out over stupid things. I am a quiet mom and don't yell. I have been so bad lately my daughter canceled her myspace account because she got a C and I walked away, she figured it was so bad I wouldn't even address it. This is the worse grade she has ever got and I don't reassure her, I walk away and act like a child. I feel like I am out of my mind.

Am I copping out by saying well I will start again and just quit again in September when she returns? I know I know I am being an idiot. I shouldn't start again after 100 days of being a non smoker. But what I would have saved on cigs I have spent on food and clothes. I don't know what to do anymore. I am losing my mind. I want to smoke but i know I shouldn't, I feel bad for all those people who are reading this thinking WOW 100 days and she wants a butt when do the cravings end? REALLY WHEN DO THEY END??!!???
I don't think I am a stupid woman and I know I am typing this hoping for the one person to say do it. I went through this two years ago when I quit and did the same thing. Depression hits me when she is going to leave and I feel like something has to give and i dont' want it to be me. I have to quit I know that. I just think at the beginning of the school year would be better because she will be with me for almost a year before she goes again and then I should be done with the weight gain and loss. I want to cry and I do every night. Something going to give and I think this time it is going to be ME!!!!!! HELP!!!!!

[jenn14]

You're doing GREAT!!!!! Hey, walking away is better than blowing up! You can apologize for saying nothing, but you can't take back words you didn't mean. Just explain to her how hard quitting is, it can also be a tool for you to use to discourage her from smoking when she sees how her normally awesome and soft-spoken mom is reacting to her addiction. I don't know how old your daughter is, but if she's upset by a C she's obviously smart enough to know that quitting smoking is hard, and just imagine how much she'll admire the strength it's taking you to quit. Don't let her or yourself down, it's been 100 days, you can keep it up!

[fiveblessings]

Just try to remember that smoking will not fix any of your worries and will probably make you feel worse for blowing a beautiful hard earned quit. I don't know how old your daughter is but if you take the time to sit with her and explain that some days are harder than others I'm sure she'll understand. And I'll bet she's so proud of your accomplishment. Hang in there! I have a son living with his dad so I know it can be hard. But if she's happy then you need to deep breathe and let it go. Your ex will always be a part of your life because of your daughter. You have to find ways of acceptance. And take this summer as the time to really nurture yourself. Your little girl will be okay. And so will you.
Don't smoke. It won't solve a thing. Hang in there.

Leslie

[amy8]

My daugther is 13 and I have explained to her over and over what is going on. She is proud of me and I know that what I am doing is right. But really does anyone know when the depression stops, the mood swings and the unbelievable cravings. I did the patch and it worked great. I have a complusive personality so now I am eating and eating and eating. I am telling you I think a big part of my depression is the weight. All of the weight.

Thank you all for your support! It is a great forum!

[sue7]

Hugs Amy. Smoking won't do anything to ease your depression. Smoking isn't going to help you to do the exercise you need to do to lose the 35 pounds.Can you maybe get an exercise buddy who will go for long walks with you? It's really great to have someone to talk to while you walk and the exercise will release "feel good" endorphins(I know I spelled that wrong) and take your stress level down. More hugs. Please don't give up on your quit.
p.s. My son used to go to his father's for the summer so I can understand where you're coming from.A cigarette isn't going to fill that emptyness that you feel. Food won't either. Talking about it can ease that emptyness a bit though.