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Stephen, one never knows during this journey when it will "get that bad again." But it's always a surprise when it does. And yes, it IS angrifying. Because we think we're past the stage of heavy craves. Uh uh. The Demon is very tenacious and clever.
We must protect our quits ALWAYS. Always. Never let our defenses down. Chinadoll put a post up that said she had a 10 year quit behind her. TEN YEARS! And here she is again, starting from square one and finding it just as difficult. Isn't that amazing? We can quit for ten years and smoke for what? a month, less? and it might as well be as if we'd smoked all our lives. That first week is gonna be Hell either way.
Keep your quit. It's very precious.
Jane, I've never had panic attacks so I can't comment on them, but to my knowledge there are many many ways to relieve stress. Biofeedback is a great method. Meditation works wonders for many people. Yoga. Tai Chi. The object of most of the oriental methods is to center yourself, your mind, focus it on one subject (obviously not the one that's driving you nuts), and let go of the troubling parts. Breathing slowly and deeply is a a key in relaxation. Visualization is another great technique. So many different kinds of visualizations. It usually helps to find someone who can take you through it at least once, so you know how it's done. There are self help books, tapes, courses - you name it, on any number of these subjects. Check them out. Find one that you think speaks to you. Do your research. You DON'T have to continue suffering the way your are through this process. Really.
Just try this one thing for starters, real basic stuff: Sit in a comfortable chair (an upright chair, not a lounge type), both feet on the floor, hands on your lap. Close your eyes. Take a breath. Take another, slower. Look at the blackness behind your eyes. Focus on that blackness and continue to take slow deep breaths through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Each time you exhale, let your body relax just a little more. Let your shoulders sink with the exhale, let your job drop with the next exhale, feel yourself let go a little more with each exhale. Do this for ten minutes. If you need to, put a clock nearby so you can glance at it now and then. Ten minutes. Just stop everything for ten minutes and do this. If a nagging annoying thought comes in, just quietly examine it and go back to focusing on the blackness behind your eyes. Or imagine the thought and the feeling connected with it as being encompassed by a big balloon. Put a balloon around it all and then imagine letting the string go and watching it float up and away. See how you feel after trying all this.
Can't hurt. And it may even help. If it does, if you feel better after, then continue working on finding other techniques to relax.
Life without a cigarette and without caffeine doesn't have to be a life full of tension. Really it doesn't.
You're not lying to yourself. It will pass. You just have to find a way to cope in the meantime. Even just breathing slowly with your eyes closed 15 times in a row should bring your tension level down a wee notch.
Be strong Stephen. We're here for you.
Sara