I'm certifiable

Discussion created by kirsten2 on Aug 30, 2008
Latest reply on Sep 4, 2008 by rachel17
Hello All,

I'm new to this group. I wasn't really sure which forum to join, but since I have kids and they're one of the reasons I'm quitting....I figured this was a good place to start.

I have actually always detested smoking....up until my husband and I hit some hard times. He started smoking 4 years ago and I decided it must be working for him so I took it up about 8 months ago (at age 31. Ya, I should know better). At first I thought, no biggie. I can't be addicted yet. (I'm soooo SMART!) But after 4 or 5 failed quit attempts in the last 8 months, I'm feeling like a total failure.

We both decided to quit together a few times, but this last time I joined Become an Ex and we quit on August 20th. I picked up the nic gum, but because I don't smoke that much or inhale that deeply, the 2mg was too strong for me. I stopped taking it after 2 days, but then suffered from extreme dizziness and a heavy-headed feeling for days. My coworker who is a 2 pack a day smoker suggested I just try one cigarette to see if it was the withdrawal or something more I tried one. (Yeah, I'm shaking my head too.)

Now, for the past 2 days, I've had nearly a pack. I bought one last night and after 2 cigs I soaked the rest of the pack. Then this morning I tried to dry them out. lol. (I really hate admitting that, although, luckily, it didn't work.)

This is ridiculous. For the first week, I was fine. No cravings. Relearned my habits easily. (granted I'm sort of a closet smoker....ashamed for people to see my smoking so never smoked in public, around family, etc. Just a few at work sneakily and then some at home with my husband after the kids went to bed.)

I'm tired of the failure rate here. I typically relapse because my coworker sanctions all things nicotine. He even hands them out to random people on the street because he believes no person should be without a cigarette. (He also believes smoking doesn't cause disease or cancer and it's all a conspiracy.) So, as soon as he gets wind that I quit, he starts putting cigs on my desk. This time I was strong enough. I had no problem turning him down....up until I started have dizzy anxiety attacks.

I feel like this is really retarded. Anyone know how to get addicted to exercise or carrots? Something more beneficial....