Has anyone had a difficult time dealing with a spouse or loved one that is still smoking?

[Leesespieces]

I know that this is MY choice and MY journey, but I cant help but feel like some people in my life don't want to see me succeed. Or perhaps that are mad that they are not able or ready to do it themselves? I know that I am having a lot of difficulty with this quit because the people that are closest to me in my life are smokers. My mother, my sister, and the biggest challenge, My Fiancé. I can't help but feel mad that I am stuck on this journey alone, but I know its not their fault. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with close people in your life that are still smoking??

Thank you!!

[dsprague]

No you are not alone, you have hundreds of good people on this site on your side of this journey. You have to make choices for your life, what is best for you. What other people do is what they do, you can’t make decisions for them. Just explain to them that you want the best quality of life you can get. Not to be controlled by a horrible addiction that can kill you. Read this site listen to the people, we are here for you. Yes it’s hard, especially when it’s people close to you, but it’s your life.

[YoungAtHeart]

Some practical tips.  You should ask the smokers to support your efforts by not smoking in front of you.  Ask them to keep their cigarettes, lighters, ashtrays out of your sight for awhile.  Keep to yourself when the going gets tough - maybe go for a walk, or a jog, or just get outside, away from any smoke, for awhile, and glory in how good it feels to take a clean, deep breath! 

I would hope no one is smoking in your space.  If they are smoking inside, it is much worse on their health AND yours.  If they won't go outside, ask that they at least go to one room with an open window, or the basement, or garage.  No one should have to live in second (and third) hand smoke.

In the earliest days of your quit, you might also limit time spent with anyone smoking.  It is only for the first few weeks, and will pay off in triplicate down the road.

They might be missing their smoking buddy, and might feel as though your choice is  judgment on theirs.  You might explain that you are doing it for YOU and in no way reflects on their choices.

Share with them what you learn about this addiction (I hope you have done the recommended reading!)  Hold firm - be sure to mention the benefits of quitting as you experience them.  When they see that it IS possible, they may decide to join you.  Hope so!

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Congratulations, you have come to the right place for support to quit smoking. We have lots of people who have conquered nicotine and being an EXample have helped their love ones to get on the no smoking train also.  It does require hard work by doing whatever is necessary for you to quit. If you use the search engine. Top right corner magnifying glass and type live with a smoker or something to that affect you will see lots of blogs on the topic.  Here are a few that I keep bookmarked. This is one of the major topics here. Never give up, never give in. You can do this. 

Dealing with mate /friends that still smoke  and Quitting when you live with smokers 

[Barbscloud]

Just know that many quitters on this site didn't have support from family or friends.  It would make it easier, but it's not a reality for some of us.  It's not uncommon for those close to you us to subconsciously sabotage our goal  It's not that they want us to fail, but if you succeed then they don't have an excuse for themselves.   You see this often with people trying to lose weight and others offer them food.  It's just human nature.   Like you said, it's your quit and only you can control that.  

Have you asked them for support?  To not smoke around you?  How did that go?

You're the one that's going to benefit from your quit.  Be proud of your success.

Barb

[Maki]

Perhaps they are scared they will lose a good friend , not sabatoging , but their scared of losing you . Quite often what we assume can be wrong .

I am going to give you a different opinion . Sounds to me like you are a good friend . Only they know why they do what they do . Have you spoken with them about why you've chosen to quit and what it means to you and how they can be helpful without forcing your choice on them to quit ?

Smokers fear fear . Smokers get anxious when they hear words like quitting smoking . It's fight or flight . I'm sure they are fearful inside because it will have an effect on what they think of themselves smoking . They will have to make choices and maybe face some of their own demons , but it's not you . 

You know , without knowing it , you have planted a seed of hope in your friends that they may one day choose to quit too ? You are feeling their reactions are negative , but they may actually be positive .

They will be watching . Do this quit for you and do what you need to do to keep it then everything else will fall into not place as it should . 

Jmo . 

Congrats on your decision tomquit l you are not alone .

Whenever you need support come here , post , discuss , blog ,read .  

[Leesespieces]

Thank you everyone for all of your kind and encouraging words. Coming onto this site and listening to others makes me realize that I am not alone. I guess my biggest realization here is that I am not as okay as I thought. I will have to miss social gatherings and even just being near my loved ones for awhile until I can get a better handle on being around them smoking. I know that this doesn't make me weak, but I can't help to somehow feel that way. Thank you everyone for all of the great feedback. I truly appreciate it. Quit day #8!! 

[dsprague]

Th have to understand what you are doing also, and be supportive.

[sweetplt]

My spouse never smoked, so I can’t help out too much...however if you go to the right hand of this page and see the magnifier, click on it, and type in spouse still smokes ... and you will see other blogs people wrote.  Here was one I found...https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/message/263845-re-husband-still-smokes?commentID=263845#comment-2... 

Hope you can find some help...~ Colleen 788 DOF 

[elvan]

Congratulations on day #8, good for you. I do agree that you need to open a dialog with your loved ones. Seek their support & be sure they realize how important it is to you. 
Ellen