CathyC1332

Enlightened

Discussion created by CathyC1332 on Jan 2, 2021
Latest reply on Jan 5, 2021 by CathyC1332

Here I am at 3 in the morning. I tripped over cigarettes.  Do I start a new quit date or just continue from where I was at and doing so well not smoking?  I want to pretend this never happened. But in a way I am glad it did happen now.  I stop and think how out of control I was and thinking a cigarette would help.  I think at that meltdown moment the only thing that would have helped me is a baseball bat to my head.  New years eve and I was crying because I hurt so bad. I went to bed and rested thinking sleep would help me focus. 2 hours later i get up determined i was going to go through the whole house to find one cigarette.  Well i did find some really old ones. Six to be exact and I smoked them all. Oh i felt like a new person. New years day i bought 2 packs. I think i can keep them just in case. Kinda like having a drink now and then.  A friend and i talked. Really a dumb idea.  So i am formulating a plan. I have to know to talk to myself when i get wild. I didn't come on here because my excuse no one can help talk me out of this. I should have read, read, and read some more in the conversations.   I bought the nicotine gum what are your thoughts on using it? Or the patches?  Or should I maybe talk to my doctor about getting an anxiety medication? Trade one addiction for another. I am not one who likes to take pills.  I just want to think these 2 days never happened and get back doing what I need to do. I have exercises. I think I am kind nuts because my surgery is in a few weeks. I am supposed to stop smoking. Oh my. Thank you all for being here.  I am just spilling my thoughts to you all.  I best go now. Until next time. Stay safe.

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