This is definitely depression trying to get in. I'm all too familiar, unfortunately.
Cloudy, cold, rainy.
I bought a paint set the first week of my quit. Maybe I will open it up. Also, I have work to do. Maybe I can get out of procrastination mode. Maybe I should go over to Mom's (just across the street now). Maybe I will read the novel that's on my nightstand...
Incredibly, intolerably emotional with a swirling washing machine tumble brain. Everything feels wrong. Everything hurts (emotionalism). Way, way, way embarrassingly overly sensitive. Ugh. I do not like this. I came so, so, so, so close to buying smokes last night. To quell, I sat down with a pile of food and a documentary and just dug in to both. It passed, like ya'll have promised. But it looms. The cloud. It looms. ...Can I tolerate this life without my buddy? Will I get better? Ya'll say and show me: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Seems like all I'm doing is trying to get past hours without cigarettes. I feel so selfish, self absorbed, self, self, self...Lazy, worthless, etc. Ugh. I can't live just counting the hours. Please tell me (I know it will) that this will stop. That I will feel like a good, productive world citizen once again someday.
I will call a friend and ask about her, her life, her day, her well being. Will not talk about me.
Thanks, yall. Gonna heat up some boiled cabbage I made. Then call her. Yum.