juliee8282 I can relate to the struggles of trying to quit again. I didn't smoke for 4 years and then life threw me a curveball and at the age of 29, I made the "somethings got to kill me" decision to pick up the habit again. Due to circumstances beyond my control I found myself in a place mentally that wasn't healthy and quite frankly I really gave zero f***s about my health at the time. Now, I am 37, in a much better place mentally, and know I am capable of becoming an EX for good. I have the desire to quit and a lot of the reasons are the same as before. Disappointingly, I haven't been able to commit to any of the quit days I have tried to establish for the last honestly 6 years. I didn't want to be a smoker after 35 and that came and went. I have managed to be smoke-free for a month here and there over the years. I am ready to really commit this time. That's why I am here, I downloaded the CDC's quitSTART app and found this link on their page. My friends will support my decision to quit but, if I slip they will show me no mercy, therefore I feel like telling them I am trying to quit is counterproductive and it's better if I haven't smoked for a month or so already before I enlighten them. It makes the hardest part very lonely. I hope this community will help me get through the beginning so I can get to a place where I can share my journey with the people in my life without the fear of disappointing them and myself. I also hope that in the long run, this community will help prevent me from having a mental break 4+ smoke-free years down the road. I don't want to do this to myself again in the future. Perhaps if I had used the internet to find support back in 2008-2012 it would have provided me with what I needed to make a different decision despite the grief and depression I was experiencing. As of this month10 years have passed since the suicide of my loved one and I am here for the long hall. I don't want to be passively-aggressively stripping my life away anymore. Heck, it hasn't even been that for years it's just the addiction now. There are people in my life that I want to be healthy for. I am not trying to conceive, but my boyfriend's daughters recently lost their mother and came to live with us and I want them to see that we have the power in us to overcome all obstacles. I want to encourage them to be healthy and the only way is by example. I was the same age as them when I lost my own mother and I know that their father and I smoking must make them worry that they might lose us soon too. My quit date is in two weeks on Jan 02 and I am looking forward to living a long active life with my family, who isn't repulsed by the way my clothes smell or always waiting for me to get my fix instead of enjoying doing things together. My stepping out all the time to indulge the cigarette monster steals so much time from everyone and probably makes them feel that they are less important to me than a dumb, gross cigarette. I need them to know they are more important to me. I know your child is/will be more important to you and we're going to prove it together with a little help from our new found community.
