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Discussion created by sammyjane on Sep 30, 2020
Latest reply on Oct 1, 2020 by LKevinl

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So I am 44 and have been a smoker since I was 16.... yeah I know that is a ridiculously long time to be stuck with this habit. My husband thinks I quit smoking and he even thinks that the vape I still use has no nicotine, hate to say it but it was easier to just lie to him than to listen to his screaming at me to just admit I like smoking and that I don't want to quit etc... He gave up dipping so he thinks he has some supreme right to berate me and treat me like a child over a habit I had long before he came along. So now with all that confession out of the way I am on my second day of taking Chantix ( still smoking & vaping) I am optimistic about my odds of quitting for good this time but I know me and I know that I am going to need an outlet or a friend to talk to and as mentioned above talking to my husband or any of our friends is not an option so I am hoping to be able to rely on this community of others going through the same battle I am. Wish me luck

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smiling_accountant Sep 30, 2020 7:27 PM
Welcome! This is a wonderfully supportive community, and I think most of us have wrote a venting blog during our quits. It feels safe to let it all out here, guess the combo of understanding, no judgement, and anonymous. I understand how you feel, my boyfriend and I both smoked, but he was always on me for how much I smoked which was more than him. That led to some fights for sure! Funny though, I decided to quit and he still smokes. I hope he will be supportive as you quit for real!
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- sammyjane @ smiling_accountant on Sep 30, 2020 7:35 PM
  Thank you for the supportive response. Way to go on your quit and I hope he quits soon as well. I feel better knowing I have an outlet for my "moments"
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Youngatheart.7.4.12 Sep 30, 2020 9:22 PM
Welcome to the community!

There is no such thing as luck in quitting smoking. It is not a habit, either - it is a two-fold addiction (physical and psychological) and it takes education, planning, preparation, support and commitment to never smoke/vape again NO MATTER WHAT. We can help with all but the commitment! Nicotine addiction is nicotine addiction - no matter the delivery device. As you do the reading, you will need to substitute smoke/vape. I successfully quit using Chantix, but it's not going to do the quit for you. It is still going to require some effort on your part - but it will be well worth it in the end.

The important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This easy and entertaining read provided a world of good information about nicotine addiction, most of which I was not aware. I credit it in large part with my success at quitting. You can search for it online or at your local library.

You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.

It will be informative if you do the tracking and separation exercises recommended here on the site. As you track each cigarette smoked, note its importance, and what you might do instead. Put each one off just a little to prove that you don't NEED a cigarette just because you think you do.

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced. Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit. If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.

You need to distract yourself through any craves. You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game. Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time. You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits. Get busy! Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instead-of-smoke

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?" Then DO it. You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

Nancy
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- sammyjane @ Youngatheart.7.4.12 on Oct 1, 2020 8:49 AM
  not going to let this overwhelm or discourage me
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  - Youngatheart.7.4.12 @ sammyjane on Oct 1, 2020 9:01 AM
    We ALL felt that way in the beginning, so don't despair. Take it one step at a time. Maybe today look for the Allen Carr book. Read a bit later today. Then tomorrow think about things you can do when you quit instead of smoke. This is a process!
    Take it one step, one day at a time!
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tyndallgw Sep 30, 2020 7:52 PM
We're all here for you.....lean on us when you need it.
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- sammyjane @ tyndallgw on Oct 1, 2020 7:59 AM
  Thank you, I appreciate the support
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sweetplt Sep 30, 2020 7:54 PM
Hi and Welcome to Ex’s sammyjane
So happy you found our site ... truthfully many of us smoked 30, 40, 50 and 60 years...you are not alone...we are here for you. Also, many of us were “closet smokers”...I wasn’t with my hubs, but I was with my family and many friends.
Do much of the readings suggested above me by Youngatheart.7.4.12 ... plan for your quit date, try and educate yourself on addiction, be sure to rid all paraphernalia and come here often for support...~ Colleen 667 DOF
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elvan Sep 30, 2020 9:05 PM
Welcome to EX, you are in the right place to start your journey to recovering from this addiction. Please know that nicotine is a very powerful drug & that all of us are recovering from the addiction. We know that quitting is one day at a time & that there are no shortcuts or magic wands. We all want to help you in any way that we can. The beginning of this journey is hard but it really does get easier, it takes time, believe that. Do the reading Youngatheart.7.4.12 recommended, stay close to this site & KNOW that you can do this. I smoked for longer than you have been alive but l have been quit for over 6 1/2 years thanks to this site.
Best to you,
Ellen
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LKevinl Oct 1, 2020 5:23 PM
Funny how honest we are with spouses until it comes to smoking . Suddenly, you’re taking out the trash more, walking the dog. Poor puppy is exhausted. How many times can I check the mail?

coming clean, when I cheat , isn’t worth the guilt. Accept the mistake . Share here . Move forward..
it stinks, I know . Not talking about our clothes or car.

kevin
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