As I am approaching 2 milestones, I have been looking back. In this I realized I am an excuse monger or was. First milestone is 2 half years cancer free and second is 2 years smoke free. My quit date 9/29/2018. I still have time to my 2 years, but I have been looking back with great thought. I realized I had excuse for every cigarette. Some on my many excuses:
I am sad.
I am upset.
I am stressed out.
I am anxious.
I am scared.
I am angry.
It helps me relax.
I live with other smokers.
I use my roommate’s cancer and death from smoking as excuse. Then my own cancer as excuse to smoke. It was not the cancer; it was the feelings. I could not deal the emotions. I would stuff food or a cigarette in my mouth instead of expressing my feelings. My roommate was more than a roommate, she was a sister. A friend for 20 years and a roommate for 14 years.
I literally would chain smoke before and after visit with my roommate when she was on hospice. As I prepared for my cancer surgery, I did same thing chain smoked. To be totally honest I didn't even say I am sad or any of the other excuses. I just put a cigarette in my mouth. If questioned I would say I need it. I am saying the excuses/emotions now because I understand that cigarette and food where a substitute for expressing any feeling. Whether said or not they were my excuses. I was very emotional##@@@@@ avoidant. Seriously, if there was a uncomfortable feeling I would literally find a way to distract myself from it.
I ask everyone to look at their excuses. If you look hard enough most excuses have emotion behind them. Emotions are not meant to be excuses for habit or bad behavior. Emotion are part of being human. They are to be expressed and dealt with appropriately.
I think it is important to recognize why we are smoking. It is not just a bad habit or addiction. There other things behind it. In my quit it has been helpful to be honest with myself.
So, I ask you to look at yourself and question yourself about your smoking. Then work on the reason behind your smoking. I wish great success. I know you can do it. Look to other post and blogs to help you with your quit. Post if you need help or to encourage others.
