Facing a trigger and anxiety laden weekend

Discussion created by Marigene6266 on Aug 20, 2020
Latest reply on Aug 21, 2020 by SuzyQ411

Good afternoon all! How are you today? I'm doing well, my physical pain is better than it was a day or two ago. So I'm not feeling so desperate as I was. I made it through those past 2-3 days when the craving was strong. (YAY! for me) But now another situation is coming. I am facing a weekend that will be full of triggers and anxiety with no avoidance possible.  I am spending the weekend with my mother. I love her dearly but just a few hours with her drives those craving through the roof. She is 80 years old, diabetic, high blood pressure, past history of stroke, had a heart attack just a few months ago, stage 3 or 4 kidney failure due to the diabetes, a plethora of other ailments that seem to strike senior citizens. As you can imagine I am fearful that every visit could be the last visit so I try not to aggravate her or upset her in any way. I am in charge of all of her health issues as well as partially in charge of financial and everything else in her life. My sister used to do these things but they had a falling out and have just begun speaking again in the past few months (since COVID began) . One of the things my sister did was to treat my mom like a child, trying to take over completely. I try to let mom know before I do something that affects her even offering her a choice in decisions. This has begun to be a problem, mom is exhibiting onset of Alzheimer's, with all of her health conditions I do not feel that she will be around long enough  for them to be severe but it tries my patience. My go to method for handling that stress has been smoking and as it is no longer available to me I am concerned. She has a tendency to have "silent treatment tantrums" when she does not want to do something. This is extremely prevalent with food, I offer choices and she does not respond. The last time I stayed for a few days we had a long day of this activity. I asked before noon what we would have for supper, as I do all the cooking.  She relies on microwave meals and and foods that do not require cooking. Unfortunately this leads to her eating a lot of sweets in the form of puddings, fruits, cookies, etc. When I am there I cook a minimum two meals a day so that she is eating healthier and better than normal. On this particular day I asked multiple times throughout the afternoon , giving multiple choices. No comment, no response whatsoever from her. After about 6 hours I became exasperated and simply cooked what I wanted. It was something I knew she liked, I had cooked it for us before. When it was ready she said she would eat it in a little while. Said she was not hungry right then. A couple hours later she had still not eaten it and I went to bed. The next morning the plate I had fixed for her had not been touched not so much as a nibble. I feel like she is acting like a 2 yr old and have to urge to spank her. (LOL, I know I never would but it's fun to dream)  Before I quit I was smoking a pack a day, when visiting her  I typically smoke 1 and a half, sometimes 2 packs a day. I cannot avoid the visit as I have not been up to spend a weekend for about a month. Any suggestions as to what I can do to deal with her and still maintain control over my cravings?