Dear Diary

Discussion created by Bonnie on Jul 13, 2020
Latest reply on Jul 14, 2020 by indingrl.01.06.2011

This was a Facebook post and even though it's pretty long I started reading it and couldn't stop.  Got my belly-laugh for the day and thought I would share with anyone who wants to read it.

“Dear Diary 2020 Edition,

In  January,  Australia caught on fire. I don’t even know if that fire was put out, because we straight up almost went to war with Iran  . We might actually still be almost at war with them . I don’t know, because  Jen Aniston and  Brad Pitt spoke to one another at an awards  show and everyone flipped out , but then there was this thing happening in   China, then  Prince Harry and Megan  peaced out of the Royal family, and there was the whole impeachment trial  , and then corona virus  showed up in the US “officially,” but then  Kobe died and UK  peaced out of the European Union.

In February,  Iowa  itself with the caucus results and the president was acquitted and the Speaker of the House took ten. Whole. years. to rip up a speech , but then The WHO decided to give this virus a name COVID-19, which confused some really important people  in charge of, like, our lives, into thinking there were 18 other versions before it, but then Harvey Weinstein was found guilty, and  Americans started asking if Corona beer  was safe to drink, and everyone on Facebook became a doctor  who just knew the flu like killed way more people than COVID 1 through 18.

In March, stuff hit the fan. Warren dropped out of the presidential race and Sanders was like Bernie or bust , but then Italy  shut its whole country down , and then COVID Not 1 through 18 officially became what everyone already realized, a pandemic and then a nationwide state of emergency was declared in US  , but it didn’t really change anything, so everyone was confused or thought it was still just a flu , but then COVID Not 18 was like ya’ll not taking me seriously?  I’m gonna infect the one celebrity everyone loves and totally infected Tom Hanks, get y’all to close all of the schools so y’all can  appreciate teachers  for once (because you can’t teach them anything other than how to use a touch screen ) close down all of salons so you can’t get your  hair or your nails done , everyone had to work from home and attend Zoom meetings in their underwear. The  DOW took a  on itself, and most of us still don’t understand why the stock market is so important or even a thing  (I still don’t), We were then all introduced to  Tiger King and the ONE thing we can all agree on this year , Carol totally killed her husband ..... whacked him! And then Netflix was like you’re welcome, and we all realized there was no way we were washing our hands enough in the first place because all of our hands are now dry and gross and we're all searching for lotion now.

In  April, Bernie finally busted himself out of the presidential race  , but then NYC became the set of The Walking Dead  and we learned that no one has face masks , ventilators, or toilet paper, or THE FREAKING SWIFFER WET JET LIQUID , and by now our outgrowth is showing, so there’s a shortage on  box hair dye and all of our hair dressers are like ,  NO DONT DO IT!!! But, then Kim Jong-Un died, but then he came back to life … or did he? Who knows, because then the Pentagon released  videos of UFOs and nobody cared, and we were like man, it’s only April….

In  May, the biblical end times kicked off , historical locust swarms, we learned of murder hornets  and realized that 2020 was the start of the Hunger Games however people forgot to let us know. people legit started to protest lockdown measures with  AR-15s, sports events were cancelled everywhere. But then people all over America finally reached a breaking point with race issues and violence. There were protests in every city ,which was confusing to some of us because people were definitely gathering in crowds of more than 10 and for sure closer than 6 foot away from each other . Those people must have forgotten about the pandemic called COVID Not One Through 18. Media   struggled with how to focus on two important things at once, people in general struggle to focus on more than one important thing. A dead whale  was found in the middle of the Amazon rain forest  after monkeys  stole COVID 1 Through 19 from a lab  and ran off with them, and either in May or April (no one is keeping track of time now) a giant asteroid  narrowly missed the Earth.

In  June, science and common sense just got thrown  straight out the window and somehow  wearing masks became a political thing, but then everyone sort of remembered there was a pandemic, but then decided that not wearing a mask was somehow a God given right (still haven't found that part in the bible or even in the constitution). then scientists announced they found a mysterious undiscovered mass at the center of the earth, and everyone was like DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH IT, but then everyone took a pause to realize that people actually believed Gone With The Wind  was like non-fiction, but then it was also announced that there is a strange radio signal coming from somewhere in the universe  that repeats itself every so many days  , and everyone was like  DON’T YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH IT but then America reopened from the shut down that actually wasn’t even a shut down, and so far, things have gone spectacularly .... not that great . All of the Karen’s came out at once, and people started tearing down  statues. Everyone is on Facebook arguing  that masks kill because no one knows how breathing works , but then Florida  was like hold my beer  and let me show you how we’re number one  in all things, including new Not Corona Beer Coronavirus. Trump decides now is a good time to ask the Supreme Court  to shut down Obama Care because what better time to do so than in the middle of a pandemic  , but then we learned there was a massive dust cloud  coming straight at us from the Sahara Desert  , which is totally normal, but this is 2020, so the  ghost mummy thing is most likely in that dust cloud. We then  learned of meth-gators  , and I'm like that is so not on my flipping 2020 Bingo card  can we use it as the free space??  Then we learned that the Congo's worst ever Ebola  outbreak is over , and we were all like, there was an Ebola outbreak that was the worse ever?  ....... and don’t forget we just discovered FLYING SNAKES! , seriously! FLYING SNAKES!!!!

So here comes July…. at this point we are over it , just tell us what’s next ....  Aliens? Zeus?  Asteroids? Artificial Intelligence becomes self aware? Can it just be something cool  or fun for once? Maybe even a good laugh , like hahaha  April Fools! We all actually wouldn’t mind that joke at this point.”

I have no idea who wrote this.

Also, why didn't I know about the whale in the Amazon? Or a few other things. Probably cause since as a nurse I’m working my tail off and don’t have time to watch the news...
But I’m sharing it because as long as we make it through 2020, I really want this to pop back up in my Facebook memories a few years from now.”

Edit: the whale  in the Amazon was 2019