I wished I had not quit smoking

[Peddler]

I am closing in on 9 months without a smoke. The longest I have been in 34 years.  Please dont tell me good job or that's great. I appreciate the good thoughts but I'm really tried of hearing them when I really dont feel like it's a good thing.  I think it's the worst thing I have ever done. I always feel like shit, I dont have any motivation to do anything, I'm moody as hell, and I could go on and on.  I love being outside but now I have no desire to go outside because when I'm out there I want to smoke.  Here spring and summer is and all i can think about is wishing winter would hurry the hell up and get here, and I freaking hate winter.  Stopping smoking has changed everything about my life and not in a good way.  I know all the health benefits are good, you dont have to say all that stuff.  Smokers already know about all the health issues without having to be reminded all the time.  I am having a hard time finding happiness in my life without smoking.  Cigarettes have always been there.  They have been with me in the good, bad, happy, sad, mornings, evenings, afternoons, nights, vacations, hanging out with friends, working outdoors, camping, fishing times and the list could go on and on forever.  It's like that country song "Long neck ice cold beer never broke my heart". That's how I feel about cigarettes.  They have always been there for me.  In ever aspect of life since I was 11 years old, I am now 46. If it was not for my wife and kids giving me hell about it I would have already started back. I get tired of them always on my back about it, and yes I know its because they love me and want me to be healthier, but I look at it has they dont want me to be happy.  I would love to just go out back and set on my deck and enjoy this beautiful day, but I have no desire to do that without smoking, so here I am hanging out in the house wasting this beautiful day.  Sorry for such a long rant! Just wanted to get some thoughts off my mind. Is there anyone else out there that feels this way or am I the only one?  Thanks for reading and being a listening ear!!

[sweetplt]

Glad you wrote out you are feelings...

[Peddler]

Thank you!

[Mandolinrain]

I can't agree more.

Sometime our feelings just need some new direction, that's why we are here  If we all knew how to do this, we would not need this site. We all need each other

[indingrl]

Welcome and thanks for SHARING - it is YOUR life - IF YOU choose to smoke- that's ALL on YOU -  YOU love smoking then -  GO FOR IT ! Your planning to ALREADY -  YOU just WANT - someone to agree with YOUR insanity -  so YOU have someone to blame WHEN the consequences hit  - see the FACTS - not FEELINGS - YOU will die an EARLY DEATH from SUCKING ON DEATH STICKS -  only YOU will NOT know -  if it will be from a massive heart attack OR maybe a stroke lying in bed for the rest of YOUR life in a nursing home not able to sit stand or anything cuz your paralyzed from the stroke OR maye a slow suffocation death from emphysema - and from what I heard -  it is like having a plastic bag over YOUR head and trying to breathe - so the lies - YOUR CHOOSING to  tell  YOUR self - will NOT work with ME - I am a RECOVERING NICOTINE ADDICT and YOU can't convince ME -  YOU love DEATH more than LIFE - so GO DO WHAT YOU - gotta do - to prove to YOUR -  inner most SELF -  YOUR NOT a NICOTINE ADDICT - you just love SMOKING can YOU smell what YOUR shoveling? That's TOUGH LOVE TRUTH - can YOU ACCEPT the REALITY of it - NICOTINE will KILL YOU in the end - people died and continue to die from NICOTINE ADDICTION and YOU MY dear are NOT exempt

[Peddler]

I'm not saying I'm not addicted to nicotine.  I know I am!  I'm just saying what's on my mind.  I'm not saying that I think smoking won't lead to my death.  My father smoked and he had emphysema and copd.  He was one of the luck ones though.  He lived to be 81 and took complete care of his self up in till the last 6 months of his life. He lived with emphysema and copd for about 22 years.  I know all the dangers and I also know I'm an addict.  I'm not trying to make you are anyone else believe any different.  I'm just telling you my thoughts.

[Tsaddik1]

Thanks for sharing, Peddler...

               Gary

[diamond01]

This was so good, I really needed to read this good talk, Thanks Helen. 

[indingrl]

 this is lung cancer and it is REAL

[Peddler]

I understand lung cancer is real.  My grandfather had lung cancer and he never smoked in his life. I know it's real. I have seen how it attacks someone.  I am just letting some of my thoughts flow out, that is all.