I am closing in on 9 months without a smoke. The longest I have been in 34 years. Please dont tell me good job or that's great. I appreciate the good thoughts but I'm really tried of hearing them when I really dont feel like it's a good thing. I think it's the worst thing I have ever done. I always feel like ****, I dont have any motivation to do anything, I'm moody as hell, and I could go on and on. I love being outside but now I have no desire to go outside because when I'm out there I want to smoke. Here spring and summer is and all i can think about is wishing winter would hurry the hell up and get here, and I freaking hate winter. Stopping smoking has changed everything about my life and not in a good way. I know all the health benefits are good, you dont have to say all that stuff. Smokers already know about all the health issues without having to be reminded all the time. I am having a hard time finding happiness in my life without smoking. Cigarettes have always been there. They have been with me in the good, bad, happy, sad, mornings, evenings, afternoons, nights, vacations, hanging out with friends, working outdoors, camping, fishing times and the list could go on and on forever. It's like that country song "Long neck ice cold beer never broke my heart". That's how I feel about cigarettes. They have always been there for me. In ever aspect of life since I was 11 years old, I am now 46. If it was not for my wife and kids giving me hell about it I would have already started back. I get tired of them always on my back about it, and yes I know its because they love me and want me to be healthier, but I look at it has they dont want me to be happy. I would love to just go out back and set on my deck and enjoy this beautiful day, but I have no desire to do that without smoking, so here I am hanging out in the house wasting this beautiful day. Sorry for such a long rant! Just wanted to get some thoughts off my mind. Is there anyone else out there that feels this way or am I the only one? Thanks for reading and being a listening ear!!